"Broken" I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well I wanna hold you high and steal your pain ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away You've gone away, you don't feel me, anymore The worst is over now and we can breathe again I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight I wanna hold you high and steal your pain ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open And I don’t feel like I am strong enough ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open And I don’t feel like I am strong enough ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away 'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone away You've gone away You don't feel me here anymore ... I miss my lovely. I was hoping that ... tonight we could just talk or ... something. Do something together - I don't know what - because it's been a really weird week schedule-wise with me moving and finals and going to the hospital and all of that ... A nice, quiet night with my lovely ... and sadly, it's almost 11 o'clock PM and she just came online to tell me she's ... not sober. *soft sigh* She's depressed again ... and ... I don't know what to do. Please, please try to understand that I love her and she is a beautiful, wonderful, amazing person ... but ... I just don't know what to do ... right now ... to make her happy. She's going through another of her bouts where she thinks I'm just a dream ... it happens, from time to time ... I wish there was something I could do ... to make her happy all the time. I should be able to do that ... she's my lovely, my heart - I should be able to make her happy. But I can't. I went to a friend's wedding today ... immediately following work. I was almost late because Doug showed up ... very late ... and that's just ... it's starting to get on my nerves. Seriously. My boss shouldn't have to call him at home fifteen minutes after he was supposed to be at work to hear "oh, I thought I was supposed to come in at such-and-such time" when he knows that he comes in at the same fucking time every Saturday. But anyway ... the wedding. I watched her, in that beautiful, hand-beaded white dress ... and I thought ... about how beautiful my lovely would look in a dress like that ... And then I started to feel very ... sad ... and scared ... maybe because I was afraid a dream like that would never happen ... Sad that my lovely wasn't there, sitting beside me ... Just had me thinking about how much I miss her ... And for some reason, I started to feel very ... broken. Hence the song. I can't see her, hear her ... I can't even touch her ... I don't talk about it with her as much as she does with me, but now - when she reads this - she can know that there are nights that I cry myself to sleep - not just because I'm afraid that it will never happen, but because I know I'll never be the boyfriend she wants me to be ... I don't talk about myself nearly enough with her. Sure ... I talk, but it's usually about other people in my life ... but about myself? ... not so much. She's my reason for being ... I've told her this ... but I don't think it's quite registered yet ... I'm not ... talking anymore ... I'm going to go play with my cat. I'll write more another time ...