Today ... has been ... terrible. I'll start off by saying that not only did I not get enough sleep last night, but that my day was started off by David cursing loudly in the kitchen at ... something. I don't know. I go to work. Still haven't been validated. Which pissed me off, but I supressed it and didn't let it show that it was bothering me. But I go through a hectic day of working my ASS off - working my FUCKING ass off ... I bussed my tables, and other peoples tables, along with restocking salad and expo, taking orders and giving refills and whatnot. It was hell because I still had to use my trainer's card to put in orders and print checks, etc ... and it was a bitch trying to hunt him down. I forgot about getting dessert for a table because I was so fucking busy hunting him down for his card - that when I actually did find him, ten minutes later, I'd forgotten about that table. And, of course, I told them repeatedly that I was sorry. They said it was all right ... to my face. But then went to the manager and reported me. I thought ... okay ... my first big mess up - it wouldn't have happened if I'd been able to have my own card. So I worked my ass off for the rest of my shift to make up for it - I was hoping that one of the customers might find my performance so amazing that I might wow them, and even have them tell the manager ... before I was even validated! So I tried ... and I tried. Then as I was ringing up a check, September, the day manager, she comes up to me to tell me that I'd just been wrote up for not putting the dishes in the right stacks ... when I had - I'd done it. I'd put them all in their rightful places, but apparently I got blamed for the ones that weren't ... And finally, I sit down to talk to my trainer about validation, and he said that he'd hate for me to start on my own on a Friday night, and told me that Monday would be better. I said that I agreed - I just wasn't fast enough on the computers yet, and he understood about the whole card dilemma, and how aggravating it must be. I just didn't feel ready to handle a Friday night on my own, after a talk with my trainer, and told the general manager that I felt I needed more practice with the Micros computer ... ... and he told me that he didn't think that I should pursue a career in the restaurant business. He fired me. He told me that he wasn't firing me because I didn't work hard or try hard or anything - he said he just thought that he didn't see me as having a serving job. He told me that even if I had another week of training, he felt that I still wouldn't be ready for serving - and that I should pursue other revenues. My heart was breaking, but I didn't let it show. I held it all inside until he was finished, and told me that I shouldn't come in tonight ... or the next night. When he was done ... I clocked out ... and left. Went to my car ... and just ... cried. I'd been really excited about working there. I'd started to feel confident and comfortable ... I guess it just wasn't enough. I guess. I'm crying again. I really was giving it all I could give ... ... maybe the other servers just didn't like me. Maybe that was it. I thought I got along fairly well with all of them. At least, I thought I did. I think the only ones who might have not liked me were Carla and Michelle - because I was constantly plaguing them with questions on what I needed to do and how to do it. I was in training - I'm supposed to do that shit, right? I'm not even cut out to be a host, I guess. Still crying. What did I do wrong? I gave my all. Maybe I'm really just not cut out to work in a restaurant ... I went home. David said I was home early - I told him I'd just been fired. I told him why. He was pissed, not at me, but at Perry for firing me. And I thought Perry liked me. He was all impressed with me on my first couple of nights. Shannon wanted to call Perry and tell him how horrible he was for letting me go, how he'd lost such an enthusiastic and dedicated worker - and how she'd never eat there ever again because he's such a poor judge of character and it reflects badly on the store. That she understood him firing me if I'd been horrible at my job, but if I worked so hard, then he'd just taken advantage of me. I told her not to say anything to him until I got my paycheck on Tuesday. David was also pissed ... at me, for not standing up to Perry and asking what it was that I was doing wrong, or what I needed to do to make my performance better. I don't know ... I'm beating myself up because of that, too ... I should I have said something ... instead of just standing there, keeping everything inside like I always do ... ... but if I'd let everything out, and told him/showed him how I felt at that moment ... I'd be afraid I'd endanger myself even more. Maybe I'm just too polite and well-mannered? Oh well ... when they're slammed and swamped tonight, and they feel like they're going to have a breakdown ... I hope they realize what they've lost. Still crying. I really liked working there. I really did. I treated everyone like they'd come into my home ... I didn't even get a hug from David ... that made my day even worse. After locking myself in my room for an hour to just cry ... I finally got out to go put in some more applications - I have to. I have to affort $225 a month for rent ... PLUS school starts next week. I just wish ... that Perry had given me some notice before letting me go. Did I need to talk louder? ... maybe I didn't smile enough ... Maybe Staples will hire me. I can't wait 2 weeks for Wal-Mart to look over my application and then reject it ... like it had the last time. Maybe I should just stick to sitting behind the microphone. That seems to be all I'm good at. It just ... really hurts me when I'm told that I can't do something ... even when I gave it everything I had. It hurts when you're told you can't do it. Especially by someone who's not you. As I was putting in applications, I ran into one of my coworkers - who surprisingly recognized me out of uniform ... and saw the bruises I had on my arms from moving and from where I'd accidentally hit my arm against the shovel out back ... And pulled me aside and asked me all seriously if my significant other was beating me. ... .......... I had to explain it to her that I was moving, and that I'd hit my arm accidentally on the shovel out back, and that I bruise really easily ... So after I was putting applications in other places, I get home and David called me to tell me that he'd been rear-ended on 3rd street ... I was just glad that he was all right ... but then he called back after the police came and told me that the lady had rear-ended him again ... She'd said something about having a history of seizures. Okay ... if you have a history of seizures, you really shouldn't have a license. Then, when David finally does walk through the door, he gets called out to work two minutes later ... so we didn't get to spend any time together. Today has been horrible. It's been a terrible, It's been a horrible, It's been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. At least I ran into an old classmate when I applied at Lowe's ... and that guy at Staples was really nice. I don't know if I'll be able to get online tonight to spend time with everyone before I move ... but I'll find some time tomorrow to sneak across the street to the computer lab on campus. I wish I could spend some time Lindsay tonight ... I need some Lindsay time ... I love her and miss her so much. At least ... I have looking at Mars to look forward to tonight. It's so beautiful ... it is ... truly it is ... Maybe that'll make up for it all - or maybe not it all ... maybe just make things a little better ... maybe not let things hurt so much. I think ... that I'm going to go away for a while and pack ... and maybe cry for a bit longer. Yeah ... Blessed be. Yeah ... it's kinda like that.
Congratulations! You are Kira!

Which character from Angel Sanctuary are you?
brought to you by Quizilla EDIT: For the record - People suck. They suck balls. I hate people. All people. Except for Lindsay and Melissa. I love them. I just hate everyone else. Have a nice day, fuckers.