Uncooperative wasn't listed under the moods ... it seemed more fitting for me at the moment. I just got back from working the substitute DJ shift and registering for a summer course at the community college. I come home and immediately get online to see if there's a specific course that I can take in the Fall off-campus at OCC so I can get in my hours. David comes from somewhere in the apartment and bursts through my door and just stares at me. I'm ... just not in the mood to talk to people today - like, face to face. I don't feel like talking to people. I don't want anyone to talk to me. I don't want any contact - have you ever had days like that? Where you just didn't want any one to talk to you? You're just in a bad, bad mood and don't feel like talking ... And here's David, standing in my door. I know he's going to start a conversation with me and judging by the look in his eyes, it's not going to be pretty. I sigh, I say "what?" He comes in and just stares at me for a while longer. Then the conversation with something as follows: Him: "Did you get the classes you wanted?" Me: "I got Human Development, but not public speaking." Him: "Why not?" Me: "It was closed by 8:30." Him: "Then you should have gotten there sooner. Why did you wait so late?" Me: "It wouldn't have made any difference. Students registered last semester get first billings. It would have been closed before I got there anyway whether I got there at 8:00 or not." Him: "And there were no other public speaking classes open?" Me: "There was one, but it was at the same time as Human Development." Him: "Are you going to see if Wesleyan is offering the same class?" Me: "They aren't. And Summer session's started already." Him: "Seth." Me: "What?" Him: "Why did you wait so long to do this?" Me: "I didn't. OCC didn't have registration until today." Him: "Seth." Me: "What?" Him: "Did you get your books?" Me: "I'll get them when I pay tuition." Him: "What is with this tone of voice, Seth? Don't talk to me in that attitude." Me: "I'm sorry. I'm tired. I want to take a nap." Him: "That's another thing I want to talk to you about. I want you to get back on a regular sleeping schedule. I want you OFF the COMPUTER by 11 every night. I want you ready for bed no later than midnight on weekends -" Me: "David, I don't need you giving me a bedtime." Him: "Yes, you do. Off the computer by 11, in bed by midnight." Me: "You can't do that." Him: "Yes, I can. Either off by 11 or I take it away and you won't get it at all." So ... I guess this means that I'll be getting offline by 11 every night from now on ... unless it's a weekend. *sigh* I try not to argue with David ... he's so much bigger and stronger than I am. I know he's doing this to take care of me. I know he is. I love him, I really do, and I know that perhaps to you, the reader, he may seem VERY over-protective and domineering of me - but he's really just looking out for me. I don't want you to think he's a bad guy. He's not. He's a good guy, he just wants what's best for his little brother. He treats me like I'm a teenage son sometimes, though. "Where are you going?" and "who are you going to be with" and "will there be drinking?" and "do you need a chaperone?" Ugh. Brothers. Every now and then he walks around the apartment and I can hear him - because, dear GOD he walks loudly - and I can tell when he's coming to my room. And when that happens, I just give my door a death look. I WISH HE WOULD FUCKING KNOCK. Yes, I'm feeling anti-social, and I would lock my door, too, if I knew that it wouldn't piss him off. And I wish he wouldn't slam the door every fucking time ... I'm losing my voice - which may or not be a good thing. If I lose it, that means I can't scream at David for being a loud walker, door slammer, and talking to me ... Anyway, I dreamed last night - part of the reason why I'm in a bad mood today. Two dreams. I'll type them out, and then I'm going to take a nap because, damnit, I need one. First dream: I don't remember how it started, I just remember standing in what appeared to be a museum - an art gallery, actually - with white walls and paintings hanging. I'm walking around, just looking at the paintings and there's this music playing ... it's what I call "Skye Wind's Theme" (a tune that inspires me when writing on a certain character in my novel - which is actually a coincidence considering Skye is a character who also has ... amnesia ... hrm ... maybe my unconscious mind is hinting at something) but it's more commonly known as the music that plays in Final Fantasy 7, when you go into the Temple of the Ancients ... I'm hugging myself as I walk, looking at the paintings. Evan is beside me and the kitten is in the right pocket of my coat - they're deep pockets, I remember. And I feel like something's wrong and I just remember thinking the whole time that something is wrong. I come to this one painting with a gold frame. It's life sized. It's a room lit by morning sun - but it's just a corner of a room. There's a glass door with lightly-colored curtains blowing in the wind - the room itself is wood - or brick ... dark colors, but it looks humble ... like home. I feel like that is my home - in the woods - a simple, country-esque home. I touch the painting, can feel the dried oil ... And the sun goes away, and is replaced by moonlight. I touch it again, the sun returns. I touch it again - it's the moon. And one more time, it's the sun ... I take the kitten from my pocket and hand her to Evan; he takes her and we just stare at each other for a moment. And then he says "I'm not going." I say "yes, you are." He says "I'm not going willingly. You'll have to force me." And I say "fine, then" and kiss him softly ... then shove him into the painting - and it's like he just falls through, into the world beyond the paint - like falling through a window - and I says as I push him "wait for me." Then I flip the painting to face the wall - so he won't get out. I feel like I'm in so much danger. I feel so scared - and that's why I sent them away, to protect them. I start to run, but the second I turn around, I hear a gunshot, and feel something pierce my shoulder. I wake up. I was scared - EXTREMELY scared. I didn't want to go back to sleep, but I was just so tired, I hadn't been sleeping for even half an hour ... Second dream: I'm cold. I'm in a solid white, padded room - I feel like I'm in a mental institution, though I know I'm not. I don't know where I am, though I think I do. My mind is confused - and the room is very white and very ... well-lit. The light is white. Everything feels so clean, so cold. I'm wearing white clothing - I think it's some sort of long-sleeved hospital scrubs - but even those feel cold. I'm hugging my knees, sitting on the floor in a corner, just huddled up in a tight ball, shivering, staring at the floor and trying to make sense of the jumbled mess in my head. I feel someone walking toward me, I can tell it's a man, but I don't look. He smells like cigarettes. I stay perfectly quiet as he starts talking to me - and somehow I feel like I come off to him as not paying attention, even though I remember him speaking, I also remember trying to block him out but being unable to. I feel like I've lost my voice. I want to go home, I'm cold, I'm scared ... he's saying things like "I don't see what's so great about you. You're such a weak, puny, pathetic creature." And I just feel so cold as he goes on saying things like "That was too easy. I don't see how you've survived this long" and "she's been out there looking for you and what have you done for her? nothing. absolutely nothing. did you try looking for her? I don't think you did." And he grabs the side of my head and shoves my face into the padded wall. "Ungrateful. Uncaring. Unappreciative." I feel him grab my arm and feel a throbbing, searing pain shoot through it, past my shoulder, into my chest. And then I hear a woman call out this man's name. I don't remember what the name was, but I remember how it was said. Two syllables, that's all I know. He lets go of me. I hear a slap - I think it was a slap. I think it was him getting slapped. I just curl up into my ball again and hug my legs tight and start ... rocking. My head is pounding, I'm cold and shivering, and even my breath is shaking. I feel the man leave and the woman come closer to me. She drapes a blanket around me ... I think it's a pastel blue color, and it feels cool at first, but then she wraps it around me twice and it starts to take away a little of the cold. I can't see her face, I can't tell you what she looked like. But I do remember her arms - they were a smooth, milky white, and they wrapped around me, too. She was holding me from my right side. I can tell she's trying to get me warm again; she starts rocking me. She says, very softly "you're shivering" and then she nuzzles my hair - and for some reason, I feel so deep within me the want to tell her "I'm sorry." And though my voice is silent, and I seem unresponsive to anything, my mind is just SCREAMING "I'm sorry" at her, though I fear she doesn't hear me. But my head just keeps screaming "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" And then, I feel her fingers on my neck, and she says "I know." Then I wake up. That's enough for now, I think. I really need a nap. Feedback is much appreciated. Sorry ... I'm just in a bad mood today. Blessed be. 17 days until Midsummer Celebration! edit: I looked up white in my dream directory - it says that the positive meaning of white is: purity, wholesomeness, sacred ritual ... But the negative meaning is: emptiness. I'm leaning more toward the white meaning emptiness in this dream. I associate emptiness with cold sometimes. I was just so afraid in that dream; I just wanted to go home. I felt like everything was being taken from me ...