Well i always like to come up with interesting titles... this is one... if you are one of the online stalkers that come and read what this random girl says then you would would kno that already. My titles really do not represtent anything of what i say.... well on to the entry Well i really need a holiday, i need a new pace, something new or someone new in my life! Or maybe i am just friend sick.. yes i do miss all my old friends. It used to be alot easier to move on becuase no one knew me, but my friends in Richmound hill really got close to me and i am scared of loosing them. I really don't have alot of friends here either.... just a couple of people. and no one where i live! which really kills my life. I feel alone.... I can't wait untill i go to my friends house on the march break! --- Song Change: Plush - Stone Temple Pilots --- Well when i get out of oshawa and see my friends which i havn't seen since october i think things will be better. Right now i am a little depressed and all... it is just that everyone.. and i mean everyone is talkin about crushes and people that they love, and i almost feel lift out a little. I know that i could use a boyfriend, but i am me, and no one really likes likes me. I kno that i probably couldn't deal with a crush going no where... but it is nice to feel a little love. Somthing that i have so little of in my life. It seems like i am incapable of loveing or something like that. I have just taught myself not to get in the "crush" situation because it almost always ends in my heart breaking. --- Song Change: Mr. Brightside - The Killers --- I don't really like this song so much but i am listenin to LAUNCHcast and i don't want to waste my skip. I love the video though. Well ya i don't think my heart could go through what it is used to so maybe i don't want a crush that bad... or do I, i do kno i don't want to be the only girl i kno that has never had a boyfriend forever... or is that just how it has to be? o well i am going to get myself thinking and then i am going to get sad and no one wants that. nothing else is happening in my life.. i seem to be loosing interest with the computer now... which could be a very bad thing... My mother seems to think that throwing money at us will help the fact that she lied and left us for a 23 year old and still picks this loser over us, but it doesn't. Although... --- Song Change: Panama (live) - Van Halen --- That is how i got the money to get to richmond hill for march break... so i guess it isn't all that bad. I think it is the fact that my father asked for a divorce and that my mother hasn't paid one cent of child support... or the fact that my mom just feels bad... no i think she is more afraid of my dad claiming back pay.. something that she can't afford... back pay since june.. thats alot of money. I don't care really, i mean the less i have to put up with everything to do with my mother the happier i am. i know that sounds really horrible but what can you do... i don't think anyone really knows what i go through in a normal week. i guess i should me more thankfull for the little i have, i mean my life is a little better than it was 8 months ago. ya it has been about 8 to 9 months since my father quit drinking and i am very proud of him. I am always there for him and he knows it, as well as my brother. He is doing this for us and for him. My father is the world to me and i really did hate it alot when he would get drunk and yell at us all the time. i don't really care who knows about my fucked up past, everyone in the world can read this if they want and say wat they want, i don't care. all i care is that i am alive right now. --- Song Change: Same Ol' Situation - Motley Crue --- I think that this is the longest and most open entry that i have written... out of the small amount that I wrote. but i think that i have really gushed enough for today..... i think it is time to sleep or read.. i might be back tomorrow though Linds~ P.S. Hug your Mother and/or Father for me please, trust me, you will realize how much it means one day.