Today i am happy, yes after all that happened i am somewhat happy. I am not sad anymore, i don't hate myself for what happened, and i think i might be in a forgiving mood. But no, still nothing from andrew, and i think he might be feeling worse about this then i am. Nothing, maybe he is just not talking to me out of respect for my feelings, or maybe he has just given up hope on another friend. It doesn't matter though because i am happy. Well i really would like a sorry for something from andrew, i don't know about him, but i know that i want to save a friendship, i don't want to throw it out. well the bell to go home just rang and i have to go home now.... maybe i will write when i get back.... ------ EDIT!! ------ ya i was writing that at school. I went on a trip and we got back early so i hung out in the libray. well back to what i was saying before.... i don't want to guve up a friendship, i don't have that many friends to begin with. and i take all my friends serious. all of them, not matter what. But is andrew doesn't think that it is a friendship worth saving then there is nothin i can do.... well moving on, i got into a fight with my brothers friend colton. I am really starting to hate this whole week. Well colton starts to make fun of me and calles me this and that, which does upset me, and then he makes fun about me and my brother. Then i freak i can't take it and i yess all this shit, i think i called jessie a bastard, which i don't mean it really, it was just there, for the sake of saying it really. but ya then i was all like Fuck off bastard and walked all the way home by myself. Thats about it, but i got to thinking about all the things that colton has said about me and it really bothered me. like if someone calls me fat and ugly once, i can deal with that, but everyday! I can't control how i look, i was born like this and maybe one day i can fix myself. but for now this is what i am, i don't care if other men are attracked to me, i just like myself, but to be made fun of everyday, thats no fun. well that was my fucked up day, i have had a really fucked up week and i fucked things up. I lost friend, got in 2 fights, i hate myself, and to top it all off, no one is here for me. maybe all you people on the internet yes, and amanda would be if she was here, but she is gone, Megan (my best friend in thewhole world) lives too far away, i am all alone again, and i think the things that i did will hunt me forever. I really am starting to regret blowing up on andrew. maybe i should have ignored the fact that it happened.....maybe i would still have friends... maybe i will say sorry.....maybe i can go back, to when life was easy.... .......i just want to die really.....would solve everything....ya....everything.... i don't want to die though, i want to live, and be happy all the time with all my friends.....i wonder.....i should go say sorry.....i think i will i might be back later.... ------ EDIT!! ------ Everything is all better now!!! i couldn't be happier!!!!! o well i got to go work on my website! be back later!