Doesn’t everyone hate it when there is so much going on around you, and happening with the people you are about, and you can’t do anything to help? So many people I know are in trouble, pain, have a problem, or in a bad mood. And you want to change that as hard as you possibly can. But no matter what you do, or what you say. You can’t help. I hate seeing people around me suffer. I know so many people right now with problems. People that I care a lot about. And problems that I can’t do anything about. That’s what stresses me out so much, being helpless as so many people I care about are hurt, or struggle with a problem. I hate feeling helpless. Its one thing that’s been bothering me. I hardly think of myself, I often never think of myself. I’m always worried about other people. And so many people have told me to just stop and think about myself some more. But I can’t help it. I don’t want to think about myself. Even though I know I’m not alright. I can’t wait till schools over. So I can just relax, and not think about anything. No school. But then again, I’m going to miss school. School is the only place I get to see certain people. And I hate that. I loose contact with some people, and I don’t see the ones I really care about that much anymore. *sigh* so much is bothering me now. Like yesterday was mother’s day. For those who have mothers, it’s a day when you get to spoil your mother. And she gets to somewhat relax. Well I don’t really have a mother. I guess you could say I don’t. I don’t know what she’s up to. Really I’m worried about her. Cause her not calling about me and my brother coming down on mother’s day means that she’s back on drugs. And that scares me, but half of me doesn’t really care. No one I know knows how it feels to have someone be there for years, and then just leave you all of a sudden. Then you learn that you were never wanted. Then call every now and then and pretend to care, and lie to you some more. I mean I either want you there, or want you gone. Don’t lie to me, don’t pretend with me. Either you care, or you don’t. I’m sick of you being gone, but there the next second. It’s hard on me. So basically I hate my mother, but I somewhat love her. I envy you that have a good family life. Although you might not think you do, some of us would pick your life over ours. That’s another thing that I hate. People who think they have it hard, when they actually have it pretty easy. I hate the people who whine and moan about how life is horrible, when I know I would be happier being them then being me. The one thing that keeps me levelled now is John. I don’t think I could ever live my life without love. And I know I love him. Every moment I spend with him is better than a thousand happy lives lived. I never want to leave his side, and I hate every moment we are apart. I truly never want it to end. And the one Saturday I get to spend with him is perfect. Usually he comes over, and we watch movies, and do stuff. Its fun just being around him. Right now, nothing matters more to me then him. He is my life. And he makes me happy. I really don’t care about the people who call me naïve, and childish. Just cause I’m 16, doesn’t mean I don’t know what love is. I’m not stupid. I know it might be a risk to put this much heart into a relationship, but its better to take that leap, then not to jump at all. *sigh* I’m really sick of writing about things that have been milling in my mind. And of course I would appreciate if someone commented if they actually read all that. I know I can go on and on. But hey, its my journal. You don’t have to read it. But I like getting comments from people who read it all. Like I said before, I miss comments.