Well I'm sitting here in writers craft, bored out of my mind. Its the yearbook assembly, so the monster is busy with all that. I really dont want to do my work, because its retarded, and i dont feel like writing a childresns story. I don't know, the last couple of weeks have been messed up. Of course really great things have happened. Like me staying over at Johns house for a night, and then the whole weekend. But it just seems to be some emotional rollorcoster for me right now. My Dad and Jenn seem to be broken up for good now, and of course I cried a good hour about it. My Dad got drunk and did something, and she said thats it. She doesnt seem to be coming back. Half of me hopes they work things out. Well all of me actually. My dad is really depressed right now, and I dont know what to do. He got all upset yesterday, he blames himself for everything, and he feels really bad that he let me and my brother down. I just told him the truth, your my Daddy, I will fogive you for anything. It doesnt matter what happens, you will always be my Daddy. That seemed to make him feel better. I know this is really serious, because usually, when my Dad and jenn have a fight, hes all like I cant deal with her bullshit anymore, blah blah blah, but this time he knows he did somethign wrong, and that he screwed up, and he feels really bad. He would do anything to go back in time and fix it. The reason why I am so effected is that she was a mother to me, more than anyone else has been, even my own mother. And because my mother left me, I get really upset when people i care about leave me. I just feel like no one can stay, like everyone leaves me in the end. There are only 3 people in this whole entire world who will never leave me. My Father, my brother, and John. I love them all more than anything because I know they will always be there for me. I dont know, i seem to be really messed up lately, I really dont know whats wrong with me. Sometimes i feel like i act to much like my mother, like im becoming just like her, and that scares me. Everyone knows she doesnt have the ablity to love. Im scared that im going to be like that, and end up driving away everyone around me. It scares me sometimes because I feel like Im going to end up just like her, and Im just going to drive away everyone. Everyone I love and hold dear to me. I dont want that, I never want that. But It scares me all the time. I dont think many people understand me, how I can be. How I think Im mentally screwed up in the head. I know there is something wrong with me, i just dont know what it is. I dont see myself becomeing like my mother, I know I wont, I will do anything not to. I just dont know anymore. The only person who keeps me from going entirly insane is John. he keeps me alive. I seriously think i would be dead without him. I dont know anymore. Im sick of ranting for now. ----- Something I wrote earlier. Ugh. I hate life sometimes.