I am feeling a little bit better, but really i don't know why i felt bad in the first place. I am smarter than this to let this hurt me, i know better. I know this is how the world works and it is only highschool. But still it really really hurts. and andrew if it is anyones fault its mine, you can't really controll how i feel about things and the stupid things i make up when i am upset. So no need to say sorry. I am sorry above anything else, i really shouldn't have told anyone how i felt, because i knew i was only setting my self up. I should have just left it alone and sooner or later i would get over you. But now i have to do it out in the open, where everyone knows, it might take awhile for me to be able to look you in the eyes and talk to you like old times, but i will try my hardest, i don't want to loose you as a friend. I am sorry to everyone, i don't mean to be a a mental teenage girl who gets a little carried away with her emotions. I didn't want to drag everyone in it. But i managed to do so and i am sorry. I really love you all as my friends, I really do hold all my friends in high regard. I didn't mean to bother any of you with my stupid emotions. each and everyone of you are my friend, my best friend, and i never want to loose any of you. You have been so nice and wonderful. Some of thebest people i could befriend. I never want to loose any of you. Thats why i am going to try to heal myself and move on. Right now, i am feeling crappy, but better. i think i will be ok. I just need my friends, just to know that they will always be there to cheer me up. I never want to go to school in the morning knowing that i will be alone, knowing that i am an outcast. I think i am going to make it, i think i will beable to move on. I hope i can look past all that has happened and forget it once again. Most of you don't know how much this took out of me, most of you don't know my story. But the only person that i really want to know, knows. He knows what i went through before, in great detail. He knows how it made me feel, and he understands. I think i am going to be ok, of course, i run things through my mind, and when ever i think about what happened, i don't feel that sad. I don't feel the need to cry at least. I need to get out of the house, i need to go out with someone and have a good time, i need to just be with a friend. Who wants to hang out with me today(being sunday) i don't care where we go, or what we do. i just don't want to be alone anymore. comment, i love to get comments, i feel like i am loved and have many friends. [xeditx] I am feeling great man, after today i think i am going to be ok. I had fun all day, no sad moments at all. It was great, a distraction from my real life. Then a song came on the radio one that discribed my mood perfectly. "I Love Myself Today" You left me like a broken doll In pieces as I took the fall for you, you dumb chump! You left me free-falling like space junk Burning up in the atmosphere of life Well I sound like a philosopher but I'm a fool who's off her rocker 'Cause I let you in my heart that one last time I've had enough, made up my mind I'm gonna get up and out and wahhh! I love myself today Not like yesterday I'm cool, I'm calm I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh I love myself today Not like yesterday Take another look at me now 'Cause it's your last look Your last look forever Well look at you you're all puffed up In that big red truck- but you're outta luck (this time) Well, that's tough 'Cause I'm on fire- too hot to touch with a chatroom full of lovers on the line Gonna step right up. Spit shine my soul I'm gonna be proud and loud and outta control! I love myself today Not like yesterday I'm cool, I'm calm I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh I love myself today Not like yesterday Take another look at me now 'Cause it's your last look Your last look forever I'm lookin' in the mirror and I like what I see: I've lost the fear & the horror that's been eating at me 'Cause being with you is like a hangman's noose I was living my life in dead man's shoes I've had enough. Made up my mind I'm gonna get up and out and wahhh! I love myself today Not like yesterday I'm cool, I'm calm I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh I love myself today Not like yesterday Take another look at me now I love myself today Not like yesterday You're dead and gone I'm gonna get my way I love myself today Not like yesterday Take another look at me now 'Cause it's your last look Your last look forever!! Yeah thats how i am feeling right now. but yeah, i am past my sad phase, going on into my angry phase, thats good because that never lasts that long. but other than that, i found a really good song that discribes what i want in life right now. "Count On Me" I know that life ain't always good to you. I've seen exactly what it’s put you through Thrown you around and turned you upside down and so you You got to thinking there was no way out You started sinking and it pulled you down It may be tough you've got to get back up Because you know that life ain't over yet I'm here for you so don't forget You can count on me Cause’ I will carry you till you carry on Anytime you need someone Somebody strong to lean on Well you can count on me To hold you till the healing is done And every time you fall apart Well you can hide here in my arms And you can count on me To hold you till that feeling is gone I wonder why nobody's waiting on you I'd like to be the one to pull you through your darkest times I'd love to be the light that finds you I see a silver lining on your cloud I'll pick you up whenever you fall down Just take my hand and I will help you stand Because you know that life ain't over yet I'm here for you so don't forget You can count on me Cause’ I will carry you till you carry on Anytime you need someone Somebody strong to lean on Well you can count on me to hold you till the healing is done And every time you fall apart you can hide here in my arms And you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is Gone so you can live today Say so long to yesterday Keep on counting on me to carry you till you carry on Carry on You know that life ain’t over yet I’m here for you so don’t forget You can count on me cause I will carry you till you carry on Anytime you need someone Somebody strong to lean on Well you can count on me to hold you till that healing is done And every time you fall apart You can hide here in my arms And you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone Remember life ain’t over yet I’m here for you so don’t forget That you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone Remember life ain’t over yet I’m here for you so don’t forget That you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone Yeah somone that can do that for me. yeah, ya all know what i mean, i am not in the modd to go into my cliche ranting about how single i am, i think i have talked enough about that. I won't be going to school tomorrow. why? well i am going to be spending time with my dad, yeah he is staying home from work tomorrow and i am going to stay home from school! rock on all of ya. comment you freaks! i want comments!!! from all of you. Damn i am in a good mood right now XD Well i am going to go bug teh people online right now. cya wow this is a long entry, no one is going to read it x_x