Some people may think that actually saying that your life sucks, and you feel like dieing is just over dramatics. People complain about their lives each and everyday and someone is always there to tell you that people all around the world have it worse then you. Like you complain about your boyfriend breaking up with you, and someone can always come up with the “there are starving kids overseas, you know. Your life isn’t that bad at least.” You have trouble with your parents and someone is always there to tell you “You know there are some people with no parents, so it’s not that bad.” Well, you know what; I’m really sick and tired of someone telling me, it’s not that bad. Because to me, it really is that bad. I may not know what its like to starve, but I know that I would rather be an orphan in an unknown country than have the parents I have now. And I know that I would rather live in an actually war zone, then the mental war zone I live in now. I’m not saying that I’m trying to be selfish, but I am being selfish. I am allowed to speak out about what is bothering me. I am allowed to have a voice in my own. Does the fact that there are people suffering all over the world make my suffering any less important? My life just plain sucks sometimes. That is what I have to say, that even though I know people around me, people in distant countries, and people all over the world might be having a crappier day then I am, that I am human, and I feel pain too. My pain might not be as great as another’s, but I feel it just the same. Let’s focus on the bad in my life for one second, I am going to list everything that can make me cry, and just plain get me down. Let’s start off at the root of all the problems I have in my life, one simple word. Mother. My mother…well let’s not say mother. More like the woman who gave birth to me. In my mind her name is Sarah now. Well, Sarah, being the dead beat mom she is, has caused me so much pain over these last few years. I’m sure someone knows how it feels right? Well not all of your mothers and fathers are perfect, right? At least one of you has a parent that has left. And I’m not talking about when you were little, and couldn’t know any better, I mean in the last 4-5 years. When you knew better, you knew right from wrong, and you tried to love everyone to the fullest. I trusted her, and no matter how badly she treated me at times, I loved her. For years, and years she brainwashed me. I was little, and I didn’t know any better. Then she just left, left everything. I am not going to go into detail about the 3 years in between then and now. I will just tell you recently. I have decided that I am finished with her. Everything that has happened over the years, I’ve decided I have had enough. I am done with her. I don’t ever want to speak to her again. My final decision was made when yet again, she choose to care more about a moron that abused her then her own two children. Of course when she found out that I want nothing to do with her, she decided that it was all my fathers fault. Which it wasn’t. But now I have to try and escape from her on Monday. She says she is going to come see us, but I don’t see that happening. I wrote a letter for her, and I am going to be as for away from my house as I can be. Then there is my Dad, who I love to death no matter what he does. But he has one problem, drinking. And because of that problem, he causes a lot of others. Sometimes he is really good with not wanting to drink, other times he’s not. Sometimes he makes m e feel like he doesn’t care what other people think about it. But I know he is really trying to make him self better. Then there is always the little problems that come with it. Jenn, my dads girlfriend, is like a mother to me. I really care about her. And when my dad drinks, things get messed up between them. A lot of the time I don’t know whether he’s coming or going. That really messes me up sometimes, because of the whole thing to do with my mother. Right now I am not really sure where it is at either. I’m not really sure if its alright between the two of them or not. Then there is my grandmother, who constantly brings me down. I am all wrong to her. I cant say anything right, I can’t do anything right. To her all I do it piss and complain to her. But its all her. She snaps at me, and treats me like crap. I seriously want her dead. She will sit there and snap at me over something so small, and then the next thing I know she’s talking about me behind my back saying that I’m snapping at her. I really cant wait till I am away from her. There are a lot of bads in my life, but you always have to remember the goods too. One of the biggest goods in my life is John. I love him so much, and he loves me. We plan a life together. To tell you the truth, we’ve planned everything from where we are moving in together, to the names of our children. I love him more than words can describe and he is seriously my shining light. Sometimes things don’t always go that great, and like normal people we have our disagreements. But in the end we always work things out to the better. I am not saying that we are perfect. We’ve worked really hard to get where we are, and that’s the thing about a relationship, you have to work at it. It’s a two person job that takes a lot of give and take. We know how to work things out between us, and we know what to do and not to do. In the end it works out to us being really, really happy. When I say my life sucks, I don’t mean that its terrible. I mean that at the moment, Im not happy. This is not where I would like to be. It means that I am not doing what I want to do, when I want to do it, and how I want things to go. I mean I don’t expect everything to be perfect, but I at least want control over my own life. Someday I will have that, but right now, I can barely keep up with everything.