Well I am really bored, there is no one to talk to on msn right now....bahh all these people that think outside is great. I was outside, and it sucked, it was hot, and I was so bored out there, at least in here I have my computer, and my movies. I love my movies, without then I would be nothing. I love watching all sorts of movies, and I love to watch some Movie stars act lol. I just finished watching from hell, and call me strange, but I love Jack the Ripper. I have been having really weird and messed up dreams, and that is why last nights dream was a treat. It was a really nice one too. What happened was that me, and this guy, I am not sure who it was, were sitting on a loveseat, you know a mini couch. I started to get comfortable and I had my legs up, then they happen to fall on him and I didn't move them, and he just sit there looking at me. I said that I am comfortable and I am not moving. Then out of no where he starts to tickle me and we are laughing and we get really close and stuff, then we go back to watching whatever we were watching and now I am in his arms and we are lying down on the couch, which has gotten bigger by the way. The dream was just so real; I could feel how it felt to be in the arms of someone that you loved. To be near another body, it felt so real to me. Of course I woke up, and I was sort of sad because I have never really felt that way before. I have cuddled with my dad, but it isn't the same. I just wish I could feel that, or even knowing that someone cares about me and i care about them. I have never had anyone like that and now it seems like I want it the most. It just feels to me that it is something I would give up the world for, and never have, but it seems like everyone else is happy. Most of the people I know have felt that way are feeling it right now. It makes me sad and depressed to think, I have no one, and I don't think I ever will....... I mean look at me, I am not that good looking, god what I am kidding, I am ugly. No one wants someone like me, and I can't stand it anymore. All I want is to be loved by someone, not a friend, not family, by someone like a boyfriend. I need someone like that right now. I don't want to wake up any longer to the realization that I am alone. I know some of you might call me a hopeless romantic, but I really want love, I want someone to like me for who I am. That is why I am depressed, and it feels so shitty, I know other people are having problems, and I know mine are just the insane problems of a broken teen age heart never been touched teen age heart.... but they are real to me, and I feel the pain. I don’t feel much like doing anything today, even if I did, no one is there, monkey hasn’t been online all week and it somehow always feels like people are avoiding me. Have I become that drunken old man that no one wants to sit next in the bar because after he has had one to many he starts to cry about the love that got away, or in my case the love that is never there. I often think to myself, when I tell these people about my problems, am I being overbearing, and a wet blanket? Can they even help me, or am I just rambling on about nothing? Does anyone I tell my problems to really care? I mean I understand that they are my friends, but do they really want to listen to my problems and how shitty I feel? Every time I make a new paragraph I intend to start it off with none of this depressing ranting of mine, but it seems that once I start I can’t stop. Everything unfolds and I can’t stop ranting, I want to tell the whole world everything but I can’t really I am too scared. I want to tell everyone how I feel, about everything, but I can’t I would be to shy to face any of them if they read it. I really don’t want to go on with this anymore, I am not going to go and kill myself. No I am not that low. I don’t think I could end it just like that, but I know I will be back again to write another entry, I have no clue what it will be about but we will have to wait and find out. Well I am tired of being sad, I might be back later, who knows Love to the world Linds †EDIT† Well I am here again, mostly out of boredom. I made a Blend for a friend, well 2 friends really today has been a good day for blending! Tonight I am going to sleep hoping that i have that dream again. I really want to feel that again and if i have to get it from a dream then so be it. I can remember a little of the guy that was with me. I know for a fact that he felt strong, well i think it was because i felt really safe in his arms. Well thats all for now