Rae's Entry - ( - "//" are my comments) I don't even know what to say anymore. Felix writes these entries like "wtf...she doesn't come online when she says she will... she doesn't call... she must not love me" well, I do love you. believe whatever you want, i'm tired of proving it all the time because you should just know it. // I can't just "know it" if Rae acts like I'm nothing to her. Yes - its difficult for her and she wants to live her life away from phone and internet - but thats not a reason to not respond to attempts I've made in the past to stay in touch with her. I also wrote "does she love me?" not "she must not love me"...cuz I cannot see it and just deal with that. i'm tired of doing a lot of things lately. i've definetly changed. i don't like to spend a lot of my time on the internet anymore because i'm actually starting to enjoy hanging out with my friends. i never really liked to before, and now... i just do. i'm tired of explaining my actions to people so i'll write it here for the last time. if people wanna know... they can come here. i have a life that i want to live and to me that means being outside my house IN the world... not just in my house secluded from the world. i'm being a teenager while i still can and just having fun and doing what i want. i don't really like to talk on the phone or sit in front of a computer for hours. journal entries i don't mind. but when it comes to people i definetly prefer IN PERSON social interation rather than internet interaction. ok.. done // I agree - I prefer social interaction too. I guess we both know where that led to in the past, with me blowing up at you and you blowing up at me, because of Nini. I'm assuming the reason we blew up at eachother is because we love eachother and want eachother for ourselves...I might be wrong, but if thats the case, i don't see why you seem to turn your back on me. The phone and the internet is all we got at the moment - I can't change that. You can either deal with that or go on the way you have been - letting me sit in the dark until I come over to states - without even seeing any motivation of going in the first place - since I don't feel your returned love. I'm glad you hang out with your friends, going on with life - and because it makes you depressed that I'm over here, you seem to have decided to not put too much thought to it and just leave us be until i'm back. :( If i've changed for the worse in any shape or form. deal with it. change happens. if you loved me before then why should that change just because i do? i haven't changed for the worse. it probably seems like it to you (you know who you are) because you're never here and that's what really makes a relationship... spending time together. so stop wondering why things don't work when we try and realize that you need to get your ass to where i am if you want anything from me. sorry if i seem bitchy but to be truthful, right now, I am a bitch. I'm actually standing up for myself for once so get over it. // Yes - you have changed. In my eyes - you have changed for the worse...and its not me to be dealing with that - but rather you, if you really care enough and love me and want me back. People change - and you just don't seem to be the person who I fell in love with anymore. Should I still deal with that? Are you gonna walk out of my life because of that, or are you willing to make changes - just as I would be - for the sake of both of us being happy? Cuz if you don't care - then be the bitch you talk about. I won't have trouble getting over that. ...oh, and stop harassing my friends for Danny's e-mail. just talk to him when he's here and stop being such a fucking pansy. // Well sorry - I needed someone to take my anger out on. Yea - how selfish - well - he's my problem so deal with that. ------------------------------------------- last but not least -> Turn the tide and we'd see how you'd feel if you'd be so in love with me and I'd act like you, towards you.