ryan asked rae to dinner tomorrow....so ill be home alone. rae thinks that things are fine, but to me they arent. i dunno why. i just wanna bawl my eyes out really. but on the other hand shes right....i should move on, and its better to not have feelings for her, because of the long distance... god I feel like crying... i dont think i shouldve done all this. i think steffs gonna be good for me, but i cant attach to her either...itll kill me. whats wrong with me - why do i feel like this ALL THE TIME...for the past 2 years and cant get off this depression and be happy and live life to the fullest....why. rae's smiling and jumping around about ryan and deep inside im so hurt and broken. i guess i dont want to show or admit it though...mainly because i shouldnt be hurt and broken....it shouldnt be my concern anymore... :( i dont know what to do...i laid awake for quite a while yesterday and talked to cassie and she says it would kill me and that i should open up and show my emotions....but i dont want to ruin things with ryan and rae....i dont want to be the ass getting in between... ...nor do I want to admit that theres still something i have for rae...but im not even sure of that....its just that i cant explain the feelings that i have had lately...they dont make sense... ...but when does love ever make sense... Rae says that she hopes im happy for her...but i cant even grant her that wish... i feel downright awful...and EVERYONE knew that I would... ...i said, no - its ok - im over her - itll be ok...