is it all worth it....god I feel miserable. been drunk for over an hour now, talking to a good friend of mine...im just so down. I feel i never had the chance to attach to someone emotionally and a part of me wants Rae to change back to the girl she was....it tears me down to see how she changed... ...I am alone - I was alone. my parents...fuck my parents - they don't understand how it is. i am alone - i was alone. i talked to one of my friends and she just made the glass spill when she said that im such a wonderful angel she met. god...i havent heard things like that for quite some time from anyone. it just made me cry so much... i feel miserable - my broken dad, my broken family - and rae...just letting me go like that. She said she wouldnt mind if I decided to cancel my trip....well.....thank you. its a lot of money and a lot of emotion I put into something that u dont mind having reversed in a snap of a finger. i feel miserable. i am alone - i was alone. the days just seem to pass and pass, rushing by - no destiny, no goal. i am cold and sick. sick of what this life has to offer. a part of me just wants to leave...leave this world behind, and im crying so hard - no one has seem me like this and it breaks their hearts. well...i dont know what to do anymore. ive been living in this....mist...for so long. I have lost my perspective and my courage. no one to hold, no one to attach....i feel miserable. i am alone.....i was...always alone.