Extract from Rae's journal: "Felix wants to commit suicide. It makes me scared to think that he would do that. I love Joel yes, but that doesn't rule out the immense amount of love I have for Felix. I think about him always, and worry about him much of the time. His depression has always worried me but never as much as now. I hope that he doesn't hurt himself because I want him in my life so bad. I can't believe he thinks that just because I want to date Joel again, that I'm never going to be his. Girls have so many boyfriends in their lifetime. Brandi has had 5 or 6 since 7th Grade! I've had what? Two? I know that I love Felix and I'll always want to be with him no matter what. Have to go to the barn so I'll have to cut my thoughts off here. I love Felix and I hope he returns to me safely" - 5.7.03