Lately I've had bad thoughts. Ever since I watched "Tuck Everlasting" with Rae, I think about the days when we pass away. Its the same feeling I had when Rae was sick. Its the fear of loss. With time, I've realised more and more how much Rae means to me. All the good times we have had. The way she smiles at me or laughs when I tickle her by the stomach. She makes me smile. It will be hard when I leave. Things might change. I just hope that Rae will take care of herself, make her own decisions and will make the right decisions. I'm afraid, I'm very afraid. I've got this feeling of loss when I'm gone. A feeling of manipulation. Certain people scare me just as much as they scare Rae and there is hardly anything I will be able to do. I hope she'll always have faith in this relationship that brought us this far, through magical moments and bad times. I love her.