well - lots of things happened since I last wrote. Here's the bottom line, although its unusual for someone to write it at the beginning, lol: I'm doing actually really good, I'm happy and all - yes I'm even smiling. I'm ok with being in love, and realizing that it would never work out - and I think its pretty safe to say that I'm completely over Rae. I guess, in some way, I took this trip to sort my feelings and get them straight - so now there you have it. I feel happy :) Yea well - where can I start, its a pretty bitch-ass long story. This trip started off pretty harmless - Rachel and I lived under one roof and things were weird for a while, but we were having a good time, and then suddenly shit just hit the fan, and things broke apart. Rachel started hanging out with her friends every single night, and I stayed home. She came home late, meeting up with Ryan, her boyfriend and it just put me down emotionally and I was getting frustrated. So anyways, I talked to her friends and all, and I did quite a bit of councelling while I was up here - and everyones worried about Rae and no one knows whats going on - so anyways. We did have a really nice Birthday with her. She was actually happy and we were able to talk and laugh - and the next day is really when shit went crazy. She was going to work and promised me to be back, so we could watch "Ring 2", which I had just bought and never saw, and so I waited until her shift ended, and she came home and all - and freshened up in the bathroom. So then her dad walks in and asks her about plans for tonite, and Rae goes "Stayin home, unless you're gonna allow me to hang out with Kristen" - so at that point I was already like "uhh, wtf....what about the movie". So her dad is all like "nahh its fine, I think its a good idea if you stay home" and so like they get into an argument and Rae eventually gets her dad to allow her to hang out with Kristen. Anyways, Rae goes off making completely different plans when she promised to watch a movie with me, and goes downstairs to get ready, and her mom confronts her about plans with Kristen, and doesnt want to let Rachel go. So Rachel gets pissed and it just breaks the ice. She decides to move out, etc...packs her bags and everything, without having her parents know...and I'm sitting in her room and i'm all like....ok...here we go...what the fuck. so I talk to her and I tell her that shits gonna hit the fan and that its really not the right choice at a right time... anyways, Rae doesnt care, we hug etc, and she tells me not to tell her parents. So she leaves and shit, and couple hours later her parents walk in my room and ask whether I knew where Rachel was, and so I lie to them and tell them that I have no idea. Basically, shit just drops from that day on... No one knows where Rachel is, her dad is HEARTBROKEN - and I mean - HEARTBROKEN - I have never seen someone worry about her daughter and seen so much love, than from that person! So David (her dad) goes out to look for her that same night, and tries to catch her after her shift at the pool a couple days later and they get into some physical fight, and short story is: David gets arrested. Anyways, drama all over the place...I'm going on living my days at Raes house and shit, and Mitzi walks up to me one day and says "So Rachel told me that you two talked for about an hour about her running away"...and i'm like ok...WTF! Rachel makes me promise not to tell her parents, and then she goes off telling her parents that we talked! WTF. Anyways, I'm in Seattle and when I come back, someone *hint hint* broke into Raes house while I was gone - and I just loose it...I had a really bad cold that day for several days, and I got the worst headache in my life, so I just talk to her parents and move out to a good friend of mine. so anyways, now im happy staying there and shit, and stuffs cool...but personally, I think Rae and her parents really need shit figured out. I talked to murphy and all - and although there is still the urge and feeling of wanting to help Rae, etc...I just can't. I let loose and Rae needs to help herself...so there is nothing else for me to do, and quite frankly it isnt my responsibility anymore either. I can finally move on, and I'm starting to do that. I wish things wouldve been different. VERY different - but some of the stuff that has been going down is just... anyways...I just had to let loose, so there u go. I still read Raes journal and myspace, to keep track of whats new, but beyond that - I havent talked to her much, and she has to make the move. I'm done for. I've been doing a lot of giving in the past 3 years...and I'm exhausted. Chapter Complete. I wish Rae all the best - I hope she does figure out her life sooner or later, but I understand now - its not about us anymore, its not about me anymore. :) and with a smile - I end this post.