ah whatever - im just gonna lay this entry open public... its all just fucked anyways. Rae and I broke up 3 years ago and gave eachother hell and didnt talk etc, and well - tried to move on in our lives and then we get back to talking and Rae invites me over to stay at her house....what do you expect - eventually shits gonna hit the fan. So things start out being ok, and all...we're friends, but then as the days pass I get sucked into this world of relationships and loved ones....its drivin me nuts. I dont even know that rae expects of me...to just all ignore it? I'm tryin my best to not ruin every day of hers already...but ive got feelings too ya know... so this ryan guy...well she's going out to dinner today with him an all, and yesterday at the movies im just like sitting next to her, as she text messages with him throughout the entire movie....and I'm not supposed to be maybe hurt in ONE way or the other?? we come home and i was pretty hurt and stuff and didnt feel very good so i went straight to bed. couple minutes later she shows up and lies in my bed and all...and after debating over myself, i started taking her in my arms and appologized for being such a jackass to her. I was gonna explain the entire deal - how i still have feelings for her and shit, come to think about it now, that wouldve probably made things worse, but anyways - so I appologize because I know that it must be hard on her having me over and her parents talk about me all the time, and I'm tryin to give her some space, some time - possibly with Ryan...and I tell her that - and she suddenly jumps up, barricades herself in her room and doesnt talk to me. I was tryin to talk to her, because i have no clue whats going on, and she starts crying....and...sigh......i knew something like this would happen - but i cant just switch off my emotions....maybe james and danny can, but I cant. ive been tryin for 2 years to live on and shit, and now it all comes back. i feel like a complete ass and at the very beginning rae already said "i dont think you actually like me like that anymore" (loving her) - and I was already like "if u knew"... but anyways, whats the point...she doesnt love me like that nor will she ever read this... ah whatever - fuck it. i gtg.