i swear to god i feel like a wreck. the last three days were outerly awful. at least deep inside of me. i could just tear this whole place down and.... i just dunno what to do to be honest. im not getting along with my life. day by day passes and im sitting here...nothing. well...ive sent of a few applications, even for some internship offers but nothing really makes me happy anymore. if I show it to my mom, shes head over heals, thinking ive got some deadly disease and wants me to spill my heart and open up... ...but i can't. day by day passes and i cant stop to think about how much it drives me insane to have no one. I feel like i'm mad or something...blaming my problems....or whatever they are...onto other people. but the sad truth is that its me. right now i dont feel like anything anymore. nini....yea i think im gonna cancel tomorrows plans. i gotta get going with my life...anybody, just not nini. ive been playing this game way to long. in the time i was trying to get her attention....well...her list of boys is long. then there's rae...god. life has its moments. why wont she get out of my head... i feel like crying...maybe i will...but what will that change. "felix be happy", "your day will come"...i don't see it. all I see is emptyness and ignorant ppl passing by. life going on without purpose, without existance. robert just turned up with his girl an apartment below me...any moment it will probably start. the screaming, the moaning, the pleasure... :( i think im gonna loose it any moment. ...more alcohol. death, suffering, pain.....silence. gtg.