aren't you excited? you get to listen to me bitch and complain some more about the complications of relationships. poor you. so i didn't get to see skyler yesterday. thats ok. he needs to have other friends. he can have a life. but i was hoping i could see him today. well i called his house around 11:45. his brother said he was still sleeping so i said to have him call me. about an hour later (i figured he would be up by then) he hadn't called so i called back. todd said he hadn't been home since last night. so i figured he was with james. i texted james to see if he was with him. sure enough he was. skyler called (that is what i asked james to have him do) and i wanted to see if he wanted to go to dinner. my mom's office is having a dinner thing and we have an extra ticket so i invited him. his response: "well ... uhhh ... i dunno ... uhhh ... i dunno what i'm doing ... uhhh ..." he could have just said "no i don't think i want to go." instead of being all, i don't even know a word to describe it. then i asked him what he, james, and josh were doing. he said they were going over to logan's house so they could jam. thats cool. i just wish he could do something with me. so i told him to call me back. he said ok. then he said "i love you." he never says it first. only once in a while. i guess he could tell i was a little frustrated. i hope he really does call me back. i hope josh and james have to go to work so he can come be with me. am i too overpowering? am i taking over his life? am i supposed to be like this? is it ok for me to want him all to myself? why do i have so many questions? so then i decided to be depressed. well, not decided, i just was. so i laid down on my couch and turned on the tv. nothing good on so i checked the good ol' TiVo. i noticed we had "chicago" saved so i watched that in hopes of falling asleep. i did for a little while. about an hour. then the phone rang. could it be skyler? "hello?" "hello. this is an automated voice messaging system ...." or some bull shit thing like that. nope not skyler. lay back down the phone rang again. "hello?" "is hailey there?" "this is me." too bad this isn't skyler. it was joelle calling about some swim team stuff. that was cool. at least somebody called for me. it just wasn't who i wanted it to be. so i laid back down and tried to get some more sleep. but, to my disappointment, none occurred. so i decided "hey. let's get on sitD and bitch and complain to the world about how pathetic my life is." i really think i need to talk to skyler about this. i can't go on living like this. i think i'm just being whiney. he needs to have other friends. tomorrow he is mine. if and when he calls i'm telling him that he is mine tomorrow and if he goes over to james and josh's house i'm gonna hate him forever. i can't hate him forever. he loves me. he told me so. and i love him. but you already knew that.