yay. an update. just to please those of you lame enough to check up on my progress of life everyday. that wasn't intended to be a slam. i need my own phone line. or a mum who doesn't use the phone when i want to. i got accepted to the college i want to go to. now i just hope i get accepted for lots of scholarships and financial aid. i got my wallet stolen the other day. people are so lame. who would want to steal someone's wallet? it didn't have much money, only sixty dollars, but honestly. who is that hard for cash? get a fucking job. they provide money frequently. my mum thought i'd been having sex with ryan and was pregnant today. i came home with an upset stomach, feeling dizzy and tired. her excuse was: i know the symptoms and i'm just checking up on you. lame. i need to stop using lame. get up come on get down with the sickness. you mother get up come on get down with the sickness. you fucker get up come on get down with the sickness. open up your hate and let it flow into me. loungified metal music is the best. you can actually understand what they are saying. its not all scream-like. i would like to go to a european lounge where they lay on their boyfriends in sleek dresses with tightly wrapped up hair-dos and pearl necklaces and smoke cigarettes. i think it would work better if i liked smoking cigarettes. maybe i'll substitute a martini for the cigarette. actually, i've never had a martini either. but it sounds a lot more enjoyable than a cigarette. and then i'll go to an exotic tropical island with ryan where i'll lounge around on the beach in a skimpy black bikini and sip pina colodas and margaritas. and once in a while walk around in the surf. first i need to get skinny so i can actually look good in a skimpy black bikini. cause no one wants to see an average sized female in a bikini. it only looks good if they are abnormally thin and sickly. maybe we'll just stick to washington for now. seattle is a city, it rains a lot and ryan will be with me. what could be better? wake up at nine. take an hour long bath. meander down to the continental breakfast. back upstairs to brush the teeth and grab our long shirts, the weather says its supposed to be rainy today. make our way to the subway and notice its already drizzling. get off subway at a random stop, who cares where it is as long as its in the middle of the city. i'm dressed in my favourite jeans, a black tank top, white blouse, and pointy black stilettos. hair's down, sleek and straight; he's dressed in his favourite jeans, white undershirt, black button-up over shirt and his favourite shoes. walking down the street holding hands while its drizzling, sky is grey and cloudy but its not too cold, about seventy four degrees. cruising down the street looking for a coffee shop to rest at. finally we find one. order our coffees and sit at the table in the corner. sip our coffees while staring at each other. step outside, now its pouring rain. run out in the middle of the street and start dancing around, not caring what anyone else is thinking or saying. get done prancing around and stop in the middle of the deserted street and share the most wonderful, longest, most passionate kiss that has ever been shared. sigh. he's a great boy. i wish i was a great girl.