love me forever. when we're together, i'm in a dream world of sweet delight. my slurpee turned my tongue yellow. and it looks like pee. my brother and i just got back from swinging. i heart to swing. i read someone else's diary and this person said how they hate to write about thier actions and prefer to write about thier thoughts. i have to say i agree. teresa and i are going to crazy dance under the moon with bubbles, glow sticks and chocolate chip cookies dressed as zombies with sparkly black feather boas. while its snowing. i want to be a sparkly zombie. tomorrow is my last day of working. then tuesday is clean up. then i never have to set foot in that pool again. til next year. my band-aid just stuck to my toenail. i made a new friend. is it sad that i make more friends through the computer? i can't even see this friend. james has a new girlfriend. she is a lesbian. it doesn't make sense. but its ok cause james and i never had anything anyways. we made out once but nothing else. my house smells like chile peppers. i would like to kiss someone. my tongue is lonely. kissing with out tongue is boring. tongues are fun. i want to travel to italy. wearing a boho skirt, tank top, scarf in my hair, and carrying a cloth bag. which has sparkles on it. my mum has a bag like that. maybe i should sew myself one. i need to get started on my office. i'm building a frame to split it in half. the wood is cut and painted. i'm getting there. i like saying i have an office. it makes me sound important. hey mambo, mambo italiano. i have a friend in italy. wait, he moved to scotland instead. maybe someday. this girl's mum thinks she has too many black shirts. why do people always associate black with evil? in fact, black stands for banishing negativity. "Black: Banishing, absorbing negative energy" "Black: Removing hexes, protection, spirit contact and communication" nothing is wrong with it. what is wrong is the perception people have of someone who wears black. yes it could be a statement of defiance but i believe in most cases the individual just likes the colour and doesn't care what it means. ok so that was a lie. i actually believe that teenagers wear it as a state of defiance because they are too afraid to defy thier guardians in any other way. i have been invited to go on the shakespeare trip with palace again. this is the same trip on which chase and i hooked up. i'm rather hesitant to attend. i wish someone was online so i could talk random nonsense to them. i want to get a tattoo. i'm not sure where though. maybe on my stomach because i know i'm not going to have a kid. women who plan on having kids and get tattoos on thier abdominal area are not very bright. they just stretch and get ugly. those poor animals. i know they aren't really animals but they still don't deserve to die. and have humans eat them. we are such a cruel and inhumane society. i don't think i'm going to eat them. i know its just shrimp but they still deserve to have life. ----------------- i spelled their wrong earlier. "i before e except after c and in sounding like a as in neighbor and weigh" their doesn't fit that rule. its still no excuse for me to spell it wrongly. i have decided to become a vegetarian. my mum expects me to eat fish once a week though. i guess that is ok. she doesn't want me to become vegetarian but it is my choice. my dad isn't goint to be too happy though. i made up my mind while i was peeling shrimp. i thought "what if there were human eating aliens and they ate my brother or someone i'm close to? how would i feel?" then i looked at the shrimp i was holding and my heart sank. i tried to explain that story to my mum. she came back with "did you know plants scream when you pick them? are you going to stop eating plants too?" i was devastated. but i'm still going to eat plants and not animals. except for my weekly fish. i'm going to have to ask teresa for some good vegetarian recipes that i can make for myself. any suggestions? i'm listening to swing music right now. i'm expanding my horizons. my mum asked me who i was crushing on while we were peel.... umm ... getting dinner ready. i told her i don't like anybody. i said boys are dumb. then i told her i like girls. she looked at me funny-like. then i said i was joking. i think i would like to kiss a girl. just once to see how i felt about it. i'm not sure it would be any different than kissing a boy but the fact that i know its a girl might be a little different. just to experiment. i wonder if you can tell if you are kissing a boy or a girl. if you were blind-folded and kissed a boy and a girl right after, could you tell which was the boy and which was the girl. a game to try. i put on some hooker-pink underwear today and realised, i look really good in pink. i wish i didn't hate pink so much. i wish i had someone, besides myself, to appreciate my hairless-ness. nothing else to say for a while. ---------------- what could be more perfect than watching your new-found favourite movie while its thunderstorming outside? watching it with someone you love. i just watched "the nightmare before christmas" for the first time. it is not going to be my last. it is now my favourite movie. i hope to buy it sometime in the near future. in the real near future. i just wish i could have watched it with a love. it would have made it that much better. especially while it was thundering and lightening. i was thinking, while watching the movie, that i really do miss having someone to be there. someone that i know loved me. someone that i knew i loved. someone to hold me. someone to whisper in my ear. someone to kiss me. someone to make me feel whole. being single is great but i miss him so much. but i know i can never have him back. i've told james that i still have feelings for skyler. that i still love him. i'm almost hoping he tells him. just because i'm too afraid to. if i wasn't such a coward i would tell him. i want him to know. it probably won't change his mind though. i know it won't change his mind. it will just make me seem immature and pathetic. i don't think i've ever felt this way before. i thought i did. but i didn't cry three weeks after the breakup. maybe i am changing. maybe i do need someone there. someone to hold me. someone to whisper in my ear. someone to kiss me. someone to make me feel whole. i always thought i could be independent. not need anybody to love. now i think i might need someone to be there. i think when he left a piece of me left too. and now that piece will never be filled with anybody other than him. sure, another piece might grow. but there will still be that chunk missing. fall is a cute season. winter is romantic. spring is lovely. summer is sexy. i'm entering a cute season alone. this could be a good or bad thing. depending on how you look at it. i could share numbers of cute occasions with multiple people because i am single. i could share numbers of cute occasions with nobody because i am single. i hate using the term single. it just seems so ... trendy. but it is a good term so i will stick with it. i hope to enter this cute season with multiple people. i do not wish to begin or end this season with nobody but my teddy bear. i don't want a relationship. just a date or two. or nine. fall is beginning. school has started. days are getting shorter. temperatures are dropping. stars come out quicker. leaves are starting to turn. wind is blowing. i'm wearing pants to bed. gas prices are going up. it is outrageous. my mum wanted to travel to washington d.c. to join the war protest that is occuring on september 24. she decided not to. i think those shrimp are punishing me for eating them. i only ate four but i still feel bad. and so does my stomach. i get to work with riley tomorrow. he's a boy i wouldn't mind dating. i also met another boy i wouldn't mind dating. his name is levi. at least he is graduated and is a little more mature than high school boys. i also had another guy at work hit on me. he was a lot older though. as in 22 or 23. ish. now that i'm done acting like a normal teenager it is time to move on to my more mature, interesting thoughts. such as emus. have you ever noticed what interesting creatures they are? skyler was supposed to get an emu once. but the kid who owed it to him moved away. i'm joking. emus really don't fascinate me. i'm just trying to get out of the preppy teenager so-i-like-totally-like-this-boi state of mind. this entry is getting mighty long. feel free to comment if you want. i'm not sure what you would comment on but go ahead and do it. i have nothing else intelligent to say. such as that sentence. did you like that? if i were thinking properly i would have said i have nothing intelligent left to say. but i didn't.