Feeling: irritated it still won't let me put my current music/mood up. whatever. i remember when i used to write in this everyday. i wish i had enough ambition to do so again. it seems i've lost all my ambition. ambition for school, ambition for friends. i've come down with a case of ambitionlessness. i'm pretty sure i need to get over it. i will soon enough, i hope. i've started going to a new church. i go with dave. i'm nervous about this week though, i've invited a few friends. these friends are all gorgeous and i don't want dave to think they are prettier than me. god i'm such a selfish bitch. speaking of dave, i think we've got things worked out. we talked quite a bit on wednesday night. we've come to the conclusion that we both like each other, but can't be in a relationship. he has some things of his own going on. and me? i'm moving in a month and a half. a relationship would be pointless. "we would both just end up hurt." but i still like him. but eric is coming to visit. five more days. that will take my mind off dave for a while. i wonder what it'll be like with eric here. will i recognise him in the airport? how will i greet him when i do see him? will we kiss at all when he's here? how am i going to keep him entertained? is he going to like my family? and if not like at least tolerate? what if he hates everything about the trip and has a terrible time? what if he only thinks of jewell while he's here? why am i so pessimistic? i have to work for about a half an hour today. even on my day off i still end up working. i'm not lame.