Feeling: twisted so its been a while since i've written in here. i've been busy. but thats just an excuse. things have been complicated lately. and they say women are the complicated ones. heres my story: i met a guy about two weeks ago. on a sunday. i liked him, he hinted that he liked me. we flirted. it was a grand time. he came up to the BC with his friend on a tuesday and all three of us went to a movie. we flirted back and forth then too. he rolled on up there again with the same friend. it was late so the friend fell asleep. the guy i'm interested in actually kissed me. it was good. i like it. maybe a little too much. the next day, friday, i received a text saying "i'm sorry i kissed you. i shouldn't have. its not what i want and why i hang out with you. i only want a friendship, nothing more." ok. yeah, i'm pretty upset. but if thats how it has to be i'm ok with just being friends. i head down to his place on sunday to go to church. the same friend mentioned above came with us too. after church we go back to his house and crash on the love sac. so, naturally when two people are attracted to each other they sit closely. so, there we are, cuddling on the love sac. even though all he wanted was a friendship? it gets better. later that day, without my prior knowledge he comes to my house with the same friend. we all go down to the elementary school and horse around on the playground. he teaches me 'the spider' on the swings (where one person sits normal on the swing, the other straddles them going the opposite way). so there i am sitting on top of him, my face inches from his, wanting to kiss him but knowing i can't. then, on the walk back to my house he's holding my hand?? yeah, friendship.... a group of us head down to the canyons for a concert on monday. yeah, him and i hang out, but nothing that would suggest we were more than friends (we aren't more are we?). we flirt a bit but not a ton. tuesday he drives me back to his place to hang out. pretty boring. i laze around downstairs for a while with his roommate. his roommate actually says he thinks this guy likes me. haha. i didn't tell him the whole 'i only want to be friends' story. i wander back upstairs to his room. we start wrestling each other and tickling each other. and wrestling/tickling requires touching. so our hands are all over each other. we go to a movie with the same people we went to the canyons with. after the movie he drives me home and we don't say a word. nothing. it was the most awkward ride of my life. we talk a bit during the rest of the week but not a lot. i drive down for his birthday get-together (which turned out to be a bust, don't even get me started on that one) on saturday. his sister, her boyfriend, him and i ditch everyone else and head out to denny's for a late-night snack. he pays for my drink and lets me eat his pancakes (see, i told you he was nice). today i go to church with him again and we don't act like anything other than friends. he takes me out to eat and we paid for our own meals. nothing more than a friend taking a friend out to eat. so, his roommate says he likes me. he says he only wants a friendship. his friend acts like he likes me too. my mind is going crazy. i'm taking all this in but i don't know how to process it. i don't know what to think anymore. does he really only just want to be friends? is he hiding the fact that he likes me? i wish i didn't have to say anything about this to him. i know i need to talk to him but i'm scared to. i wish he could just read my mind. maybe i should link him to this diary and let him read it.... nah, that would make me a chicken. bawk bawk bawk. yeah, i'm a chicken.