ever get that feeling when you want something exciting to happen, but you don't want to make an effort to cause that exciting thing? i just got the sudden urge to fuck ryan. like, really hard. we aren't fighting anymore. but we still aren't as good as we could be. saw underworld evolution last night. the sex scene really made me jealous. i wish i could get enough confidence to have sex. my body wants it, but i don't know if my heart wants it. and my heart has to want it for it to happen. i wish my heart would decide. ----------- that urge has disappeared. its amazing how quickly feelings can change when you are irritated.