I suck at updating. I suck at a lot of things lately. But I'm trying to get better. I want to cry a lot, sometimes I don't have the tears. I don't need to cry all the time, sometimes I have nothing to cry about, but I do. I think this qualifies as "on-edge-of-depression." Sometimes I just don't...... feel. Thanksgiving feast wasn't what it should have been. Stuffing was delicious, mashed was pretty good, cranberry sauce was real tart, chocolate tofu pie mmmm. But Zach's parents shouldn't have left him. He should have felt better. I wished he would have stayed for longer. I wish he wasn't alone on a family centered holiday. I hope he didn't cry. I want to cry with him. I'm working on figuring this out. Sometimes I know for sure, other times I don't at all. It tears me apart. I want to know now. I need to know now. Am I wasting my time? Is this what is in store for me? My purchase is on lay-away, being paid for slowly, little bit at a time. I'm poor now, so its going bad. They might not let me buy it. But I want it terribly. Please don't put it back on the shelf for someone else to pick up. Its real fragile, it would be devastating if it was dropped. Eternity is so long. But it could be a possibility. If I pay up.