the ringing in my ears wont go away, the absence of the loud music, its almost painful. last time i came home from a mixer i couldnt sleep because of the ring. mixers...not likin the crowds. not likin gettin bumped into by random people. but, when you get up by the huge speakers, and you feel your heart start pumping to the beat of the music, its all worth it. everyone dissapears and you cant hear anything but your heartbeat and that music. for a second, its like you leave earth and fly. which is why i keep going back. i had fun i guess. me and kelsey were close to kickin some guys ass. he told us to makeout with each other, and we told him and his friend to makeout, and he was like ugh the dirty sluts wont even makeout with each other. well, i was tired. and sort of crabby. i didnt mean to hit him *innocent smile* actually, i kind of did. i shoved that fucker back into his friend, i should have done it harder. then kelsey kicked him, and she was like "we are gonna KICK YOUR ASSES" and we started walkin towards them and they ran. no one calls me a dirty slut and gets away with it, i didnt even do anything there. um yeah, see the cross around my neck? its not there for decoration, im a christian. you wouldnt see me havin sex on that dance floor. and i am NOT a dirty slut. and if that guy is at the De Smet mixer he better WATCH IT. haha, sorry. i just HATE it when guys are like that. i couldnt have beat his ass, he is like a head taller than me, but if he beat my ass then people would look down on him for beatin a 5'5 girl when he is like 6'. or look down on him for beating a girl in general. i dreamt of him. he wasnt there, i wasnt surprized. he probably never will be. maybe i should forget about it. i love you. -becca *im sitting on the edge of the water contemplating my strange life the sun starts to fall into the ground a breeze picks up off the waves and everything is fine* -adema "let go" i want to be at the beach. i want to relax, i want to remember. i want to party. i want sand in my shoes, and tanlines. but mostly, i just want that breeze, and that air. i just want the sound of the waves while i sleep. nothing puts me to sleep like the beach. for now, its that song up there. its like my 15 year old lullaby. yep, im 15 and i have a lullaby. i dunno, it makes me want to sleep. on the beach. under the stars. im gonna go dream of him and the beach. goodnight