Ok. So. Can someone PLEASE smack my face every time i think about it???? please? Today hasn't been the greatest. I'm trying my hardest to just keep my chin up, and look everything in the eye, but it's getting hard, it's getting tiring. But I'll be strong. It isn't like me to break down. At least, not in front of everyone. I am humbled, in my ability with the cards. Catherine, you are SO much better than me. That layout was very complicated sounding. I guess I need to work on new layouts... My stomach is rolling nervously. Something isn't right... I am becomming afraid... blury. oh well. only a few will know what those mean. but i dont feel like explaining. _________________________________________ Listening to:Lover I don't have to love it mocks me. that silly little smiling face, on the little piece of paper. that smile that makes everything go awry. it makes everything irrelevant. so i throw the deck across the room, and scream fuck this, and chide myself mentally for being so dramatic. chin up, face forward. feet firmly planted in the ground. the etiquitte of dealing with things. a million faces staring at me from my scratched hardwood floor, none smiling, but all mocking. allknowing. and i want to know...did i do something?? gah. fuck this. fuck this because its painful. __________________________________________ I have a splitting headache, and my stomach is still feeling weird. i keep getting chills [your smile haunts my dreams at night, it chills me deep inside...] it was right, as always. my fears and hopes...well, ill give the textbook definition, i dont want to say my emotions right now. Fears: This card can represent expulsion, being thrown out, getting fired, or the breaking of illusions. Hopes: Two staffs, one with the head of a serpent, the other with a vine, cross over a candle flame. This card represents opposites coming together with one passion. Theres your regurgitation of information. I don't know if anyone will be able to figure it out. But i dont care. i need to stop writing about cards so much. im leaving, im tired, i dont know if i will go to school tomorrow, im still feeling these weird tempurature swings, headahce, when i get up everything spins and turns white. just great, you know.