i used to lie in bed and pretend you were holding me. i have become increasingly more and more paranoid. people seem to look at me funny in the hallway. sometimes before i catch myself i wonder what my friends think about me behind my back. some nights i can't sleep because i can feel something tall and dark standing next to my bed when i close my eyes. get away from me, all of you. i have a sharktooth and i know how to use it. you know you are going insane when in a dream one of your ex boyfriends becomes a sarcastic prophet. you should come to stay at my house. there is a man with a knife waiting behind every closed door that needs to be opened. no one is online. well, actually, people are. but the ones that i DON'T need to be talkign to, the ones that make this worse. everyone else isn't on or is away. :(. ____________________________________ today i realized how ignorant i am of everything. i just float around like a fish. but with this paranoia comes a strange courage. i will start saying it to myself, until it happens. i will get over you. i SHALL get over you. and soon, too. just keep up what we had going last night. that will do nicely. 420...hm. i could use some kinda drug right now. just keep hurting me. over and over, like a broken record. and someday ill break all over you and then you'll never have to talk to me again. ________________________________________ after i get my job, i'm gonna start saving for the tattoo that my mother dearest hasn't approved yet. when i show her the money, she will. and once she realizes the place is clean. iron age, baybay. actually, i feel like doing something irrational. she didn't get it when i tried to explain it to her. she thinks i actually learned my lesson! what i meant was, it turned me into a watered down criminal mastermind. or someone when the potential to be one. someone that will still break the law, but can see every possible thing that will go wrong to cause me to get in trouble, so when i DO break the law, i will never get caught.