i am so fucking sick of all this hipocrisy. im wondering right now how many people i think are my friends and they really arent. i wonder what they say when im not around. i wonder how many of those stupid rumors were started by them. how many real friends do i have? you told me that i changed. that i was changing into something, and you didnt know what, but that you knew it was bad. you told me that if i didnt get better then you wouldnt be friends with me anymore. so guess what, i changed for you. there hasnt been a fucking day when i havnt thought about how much i want a beer. and you know what, i havnt drinken it. for you. i loved you, you were my best friends....i thought that you would accept me for who i was, when i had a beer it didnt change who i was inside. and when you didnt accept me for who i was i still loved you enough that i changed for you, and i kept my promise to you even though things were never the same. it was like you were waiting for something else to say you didnt want to be friends with me about. i had just as much pressure in my life as she did, you all know what happened to me, no, i didnt make it up, thanks for asking. and i needed to forget some things. my parents didnt trust me at all, and that would have been so much easier to deal with if you were still my friends. but you werent. you said you were, but i couldnt tell you what i felt, you wouldnt even pretend to understand to make me feel better. you didnt even know me anymore because i had grown into such a monster that you wouldnt even try to know me anymore. so now i changed. ive been sober for almost 4 months and let me tell you, it hasnt been fun. and now you change away from me. we dont really even talk anymore. we never hang out anymore, i dont know you anymore. i still love all of you, because you were my best friends. im hoping that you are still my friends. i dont want an apoligy. i just want things to be like what they were. when i drank, no one asked me to party. no one told me where i could get some booze. i had dirty rumors spread about me across the school and no one cared how i felt. they asked me to change. and i did. and now im all alone. so thanks. im not even mad. just kind of sad is all. ill be fine. a part of me wants to do to you what you did to me. say "i dont want to be friends with you anymore, you are changing" but no. i wont do that, because i know how it feels when someone wont even try to understand you. nicole is one of my best friends and nothing could change that, and its not because its nicole that i dont mind that she did that, i would have done that for you also. i would still do that for you also. which is why i still want to be your friends, and i still love you. i still do want to be friends with you all, all of you who probably hate me. i love you me