today...just was. today set in my mind once again, that im not controlling things, things arent spinning out of control, but, nonetheless, they are spinning. the world wont stop for anything. i talked until about midnight this morning. then i tried to work on my outline/research up in my room with the window open, and a harsh breeze with drops of rain riding on it blowing through the opening. i cant breathe without the window open, its strange. i gave up at 2 30 or so, and went to bed. i overslept, but the moon woke me up at about 4 10--a half hour after i was supposed to get up. it was so bright, it was a full moon last night, it was beautiful. it watched me from above like a goddess. then i got up and worked on notecards for what seemed like hours, and waht was hours, and at like 6 30 my mom came in to help me. by that time it was obvious to me that [so cum on feel the noise, girls rock your boys, we'll get wild wild wild, wild wild wild] oh lord, its the gulf shores song...this song brings back memories of sitting on my bed in my condo room 10 stories up on the beach, watching all the beach partiers, wishing i was old enough to be down there, and driving around creating random masecres on vice city. i LOVE that game [the orange beach game] i wasnt going to finish the paper, or even get close to it. at least not by the time school would start. so i came halfway through first hour, and got A's on both things. it was nice, i dont usually get A's in that class. then in history, mr batcheller was very nice and he played 80s music for us while we took our test, including 99 red balloons (except the goldfinger version, which he said is not as good as the nena version [which i happen to be listening to right now]), and not another brick in the wall part two [the gulf shores song] i think i did alright on the test, actually. in biology, we found out about an unfair test that we have next, where we have to depend on our group for our grades too. that isnt bad for me, because my group is really good. but im gonna have to work hard, i dont want to let my smarterthanme friends down. lunch..we ate outside, i took a caffiene pill (since i was running on like 1 1/2 hours sleep) even though kelsey and courtney told me not to geometry....note to self: never, EVER, take caffiene pills with add medicine/antidepressants AGAIN. EVER. wow, i thought i was gonna die in math. those two medications dont mix well, i can definitely say that. i felt like my head was a balloon, and i was swaying back and forth, and i couldnt think about anything but trying not to pass out. it was like it slowed down my blood or something, my fingers started turning colors, it was like i felt like i wasnt me or something, its hard to explain. it was kind of cool, but kind of scary, because i didnt want to pass out in front of my whole class or anything. and aleksandra says my pupils were hella dialated, and then came the normal stuff, the shakes and the hyperness. as kelsey knows. in choir i was hyperactive. in the not funny way. in the just stupid way. and then we listened to bist du bie muir or something like that, and i cnat find it anywhere and i want to hear it again. and then in interior design i did nothing. and somehow im still awake, at 6 20, running on about 6 hours sleep from the last more than 48 hours. and i hope he comes over. yeah...dinner. ill write more thoughts later what the fuck is up wtih today, yet ANOTHER gulf shores song. no doubt-dont speak. thats the one that got me crying. so, are you ever going to tell me why you are crying? there arent good reasons. well, what are they? everything. please stop crying. what do you care, you are never going to talk to me again after tonight anyway. you know, thats true. i know. just because im young doesnt make me stupid. (continues crying) _________ another one. come my lady, come come my lady, youre my butterfly, sugar baby... i dont know what is with tonight.. _________________________ you know, they never came. im not surprised anymore. i wont lie, i used to be. people will be people. if you promise me, ill believe you, because im human. holy fuck, im getting off the computer, this is going to drive me nuts. this time its hotel california by the eagles. welcome to the hotel california... help me.