i feel extremely obsessive. all of these people that are on the sitD aniversary thing have half as many entries as me. not to mention i have diaries that you dont know about. that i write in all the time also. what does that make me? obsessive? have an extreme need to vent that cannot ever be fully fufilled? alcoholics : alcohol :: me : sitDiary? well, stop looking at me like i know the answer. i dont know anything these days. DO NOT READ THE BELOW PORTION BECAUSE IT IS HORIBLE WRITING AND SOME OF MY WORST. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ i want the dark. i want tragedy, i want dead flowers. when i get my garden i want to let the flowers die and hang them upside-down above my bed so that shrivelled petals will fall on me while i sleep. and i will smell like a beautiful death. i want you to stab me in the back when i turn around to let you, stab me with a beautiful dagger with a rose carved into the handle, so that i dont think im crazy for expecting you to. beat me to the ground and kick me, so that i can cry, and feel at least SOMETHING. because sometimes i cant feel anything at all unless its raining. and when it rains, why, when it rains its torrents, its floods and im drowning. and i want to, i sing a morbid song as the water grows higher and covers me. because there arent beautiful days with a breeze unless there is rain too. so drown me, smother me while the rain of dying petals fall. roses, lillies, daisies, tulips all beautiful once and all dead and ugly now. all innocent once like i used to be. and i look up and smile as they fall on me.