i think maybe i've become a bit too much of a night owl a bit too late in the summer. this is bad. could be very bad. courtney spent the night last night. she fell asleep and i wasnt tired, so i ended up playing the sims for three hours, and then watching half of pirates of the caribbean until around four (i think?) when i finally decided to go to sleep, and got a grand total of 2 hours and twenty minutes before my dad came down for work. then we slept in my room but not for very long. and i feel like im moving. like im trying to hang out with my friends and finish all of my business because im never gonna see people again or something. but im not going to be able to stay up so late when we are on vacation, because everyone else will be wanting to sleep. but then with the jet lag and time difference who knows if ill want to. hopefully i wont. and then hopefully the jetlag coming back wont be too horribly bad, because im pretty sure i get back only a day before school starts. which also means that i probably wont have a permanent schedule or any other information about school until the day before it starts, which sucks. and ill miss orientation AGAIN, so who knows what will happen with lockers. and i really need to get started on my homework. i think maybe if i lived alone i would be someone who's lifestyle revolved around night. i love night, it enthralls me. and i always seem to end up being awake all night when i can be. its just...so much more beautiful than the day time. but maybe im weird. ok, so i feel like crap... i want to be single right now. i like being this independent girl, and i want to focus on school, and getting good grades.... my grandmother leaves early tomorrow morning... HALLELUJAH. and then we get her back when we come back from europe. so, it is the fateful day of july 19th. nothing happened...i was a day off. because a ton of shit happened yesterday. at least...nothing that i know of happened... but i kind of stayed offline all day...probably the work of my unconscious mind. can you tell that it has been way too long since i have been on here?? i can. here comes the sun, children. Listening to: 311-Flowing awesome song. kelsey likes it too, i wonder if she is having fun in the sun on the beach. i miss gulf shores. oh lord. im going to be in europe for my *1 year* thing. but its ok because im beginning to forget about the entire ordeal. friends:we need to do things all the time this week! im gonna miss you all so much!! if you want a postcard, leave an address or give it to me somehow and tell me if you would rather have one from france or germany, and if you want a specific city then say so. heres the agenda: im putting it up again because i have nothing better to do. july 29th-frankfurt, germany july 30th-august 1st-christina's house, which is also in germany. she was our third exchange student, and is like an older sister to me. but i am afraid. yes. we are staying at their house, while JAN is there, a boy of my age who i don't seem to get along well with. except this time he has the upperhand. because my parents are gay and cant wait until next year to go, when i will actually know some german. so now he can make fun of me with his friends all he wants, and i will have no clue. :O im really scared. i hope they are nice enough to talk in english most of the time while we are there. i feel like crap that they have to change for us, but im scared to not know any of what they are talking about. i know a few phrases in spanish, but almost NOTHING of german. hopefully ill pick some up?? because that stupid computer program my father bought that is supposed to help you learn it does not teach, it only quizzes. and i need to actually learn the stuff BEFORE i get quizzed over it. anyways... august 2nd-historic walled city of rothenburg, germany. what ive heard from the father is that its basically just like it would have been hundreds and hundreds of years ago, or something. august 3rd-munich, germany august 4th-fussen, germany august 5th-berlin, germany august 6th-7th-hamburg, germany we will get to visit our first exchange student, natalie and her boyfriend/husband?? in hamburg. we almost had to go to a baby shower that was her cousins. and that would have been terrifying. tons of people who are speaking a language that you dont know and looking at you like you shouldnt be there; the spectacle of the occasion. maybe they would be making fun of my NON hairy armpits. but im probably being an ignorant american. which is the last thing i want to be, trust me. im just afraid. which you can probably grasp by now from the way ive been talking. august 8th-9th-calais, france im told that somewhere we will be driving through the netherlands, i am assuming it will be in between hamburg and calais. august 10th-11th-bayeux, france erm, one of those places or both (i cant remember) are near the normandy beaches, which hopefully wont be too cold to go on... and of course, august 12th-15th-paris, france im guessing people are going to want postcards from there. now heres the part i dont get. we leave europe the 16th. so where are we staying for that extra day? and im assuming we will get back late the 16th or the 17th, but if we do by chance get back the 16th instead of the 17th, chances are im going to have horrible jetlag and will want to sleep. so there ya go. and i plan to bring back quite a hoard of german haribo candy, which i have developed quite a taste for (the exchange students send them as gifts) and i need to go shopping for all of the people we are staying with for gifts... and im scared of the flight. i havnt been in the air since hawaii, which was in between 6th and 7th grade. and this flight will be particularly long, of course. a layover in chicago. might as well drive to chicago and fly from there, for that. anyways.. im going to go read my john saul book and think of ideas for my book, and try to sleep. because i think im going to accompany my mother to rolla tomorrow, to drop of my grandmother, not because i want to see her, but because my poor mother and i need something to do. anyways, i love you all. and if you read this far, i feel quite loved and quite bad. you didnt have to do that. :) courtney is rubbing off on me. i typed out 'yall' instead of 'you'. (hides) i cant wait till school starts. i wanna not be shy this year. really bad. i feel sometimes like im trapped inside myself or something, someone has sewed my mouth closed, so i can only blush and turn away instead of talk to people. i never used to be this way. i wonder what happened to make me this way. actually, i think i know. hmm. i love the story 'clockwork', by philip pullman. read it, its awesome, and a very quick read. ____________________________________ i'm limited to around 280 pictures in three weeks, and no videos, unless i want to have the pictures be one megapixel (otherwise known as, suckness. grainy.) i want them to be three megapixels, but that would limit me to less than 220. this is actually a bit painful somehow.