all in all its just another brick in the wall all in all youre just another brick in the wall for some reason, that song fully represents how dark times have become. not in my life, but in the world, in the last 50 years. its not about gulf shores, i realized that, its about the world, its about how shitty things are, to me at least, it represents the inevitable destruction of "us" and everything around "us", brought on by ourselves. its like, hey, everything sucks, and everyones gonna be dead in the next 100 years, so we might as well party and have a good time anyway. lets party like its 19eightysomethingrather. aleksandra and i have talked about that many times, how there is some inevitable destruction in the future, probably by some kind of warfare, maybe not nuclear but something worse? i mean if so many countries have nuclear weapons now, AT LEAST one of them is bound to be developing an even bigger killer as im typing this. some top secret project in the desert. the manhattan project, except how about the chicago or los angelos project? it feels like its gonna be while im still alive. ever since i was little, ive felt that my life was going to build up to a certain point and then just be gone. ive felt like i was waiting for something to happen, and that it was going to happen during my lifetime. and i think thats it. i mean, inevitable destruction, or a few survivors that cause times to go back to almost prehistoric primitiveness, because no one knows how to operate all of the technology thats laying around, or to build it. people will be throwing computers at each other instead of getting on the internet, what a funny thought, i think that is funny. a full cycle. then things will build up and get that way again. the human virus will survive, some at least. maybe im being dramatic, or maybe im speaking what most of my friends wont. because ive asked a few of them, and they agree, that there is gonna be some destruction, and probably during our lifetime. yeah...well, this is just great. i was unaware of the fact that my dog pooped all over the floor, and i just stepped in it, barefoot. fuck. _____________________________ listening to: stairway to heaven as long as ye hurt none, do as ye will. dont worry, i will. maybe its just that im tired. but everything is so sad... i want to go to sleep and not wake up until what i told my mom comes true.