underneath my smile, half the time, im scared shitless. i just thought id share that with everyone. things are never perfect, perfection doesnt exist. which means that since things seem perfect there is something i dont see that is going to make me want to kill myself when the time comes. and part of me hates myself for not just running because of that. but, the main part of me, is going to enjoy paradise while it lasts. the main part of me is just going to lay in that hammok and relax with him. on the beach. with a sunset, and a breeze, and perfection. because maybe sometimes a piece of the big picture is perfect. and those times must be cherished. so, if you need me, ill be in florida. napping in a hammok with my dream guy. happy birthday aleks! ________ HOLY SHIT. there is no way we can afford this! my dad just handed me his vacation plans for hte next years. its insane. summer 2004-england, ireland, scottland, staying the longest in london and liverpool. summer 2005-itally, staying the longest in rome, florence, venice, and naples summer 2006-germany, staying the longest in berlin, munich, cologne, and dresden summer 2007-greece summer 2008-russia, staying the longest in st petersburg and moscow summer 2008-china summer 2009-austrailia summer 2010-japan summer 2011-africa summer 2012-south america there is noooo way we can afford that! but still, im excited!! we wont go, but its alright to dream, right? _____ today, in women's choir, our male substitute had a boner the whole class. its a sad world we live in, where a 40something year old man would get excited over a bunch of little girls.