i've been being myself more lately, even if it gets laughs. the problem is, i'm not sure if they are laughing with me or at me. like today i was talking to kelsey, explaining how i think when i was little i was practically in love with john smith, because when i watched pocahontas a few days ago it was like i had feelings for him still or something. i know it sounds retarted lol, but he's just got that spark. i want a john smith. she laughed so hard lol. i like making people laugh. i like this being myself business. and not walking around a corpse all the time. my trees are growing! i'm so happy. i told my mom i was proud of them for surviving and i was proud that they grow every day, and she laughed and said it was like thye were my kids or something. i dont know if these people are laughing at me or with me...but they both care abotu me, so i guess they are laughing with me? i turned in my application today. they supposedly will be in touch. i want a job, but im too happy to care right now anyway. i got back in touch with an old buddy. he is so friendly and open, i'm always happy when i'm talking to him. sbc is striking, if you dont already know. my dad has to go to houston tomorrow night for who knows how long. last time he had to go it was weeks. my brother is always really mean to my mom when hes gone. so im gonna be mean to him if hes mean to her, because she doesnt deserve that. my grandmas leaving this weekend because my dad is leaving. she doesnt plan to come back for 6 months. i dont mind i guess, but i just feel bad for her. i dont think she likes living here, i think she thinks we are mean to her because my parents dont let her spend my college money. i'm getting a perm lol, that should be interesting. i just think i look better without hella straight hair. i wont let her hurt him. not another guy. not one that i would do a lot to have liking me instead of her, no. ill bring him into the light on what she's really like. cuz i can't take seeing her do this to these guys. gah. ly me i love the song if i never knew you. i love the melody so much...its so sad, i dunno. ok...so, people robbed mcdonalds? um, i remember when this used to be a good area....i think....maybe? now there are homeless people living in my woods, kids that garage hop and steal pieces of cars and then run into my woods to get away from the police, and mcdonalds being robbed. and my parents have to have our security system on to feel comfortable at night. wonderful, isnt it? my brother was like well, at least there arent people out there with guns and knives. oh, trust me brett, there are. wait till you get to highschool and hear about the brutal fights. not with guns, but people that slit each others tires and key each others cars and beat the crap out of each other. __________________________________ sigh... i think i may have something for him again.