My parents had a nasty fight last night. My dad told me it would be happening soon, but I didn't think it would be this bad. Mom blamed him for the financial issues we have, but Dad blamed her for forgetting about it. I know that Dad means what he says, but sometimes I wonder if my mom even knows what she is saying or doing. I mean, she almost broke my arm Saturday while Kayla was upstairs changing. I hate it when she does this to me. She doesn't apologize and never acts sorry. She isn't a mother at all. She was acting all quiet and pissed off during dinner and afterwards. Even Matt found it creepy. The saddest part is that I had turned my FFVII up to 25 on my television and I could still hear them arguing....Oh well. I knew this would happen. Surprised no hitting occured cause my mom loves getting physical with me and Beth. I think she's too scared to do that to my dad cause he can kill her if he wanted to. -------------------- I was looking through my old diary and thought I might post an entry from it....here it goes: Day 63 10-1-02 I still feel displaced in this world and I long to find out why. Everytime I met Skyeler's gaze today he turned away. I wonder why he won't talk to Michelle or me. I also feel like crying but each time I feel the tears coming I push them back and can never cry. Sometimes I wish I could cry, but then I feel ashamed because I feel weak when I do cry. I haven't been able to sit down and cry for a long time and it's odd. I sound strange and the fact that I tend to withdraw inward, I think I am becoming a loger again. I like the time I have alone now and now I play the piano more than every. I also draw more and the pictures are full of my saddness. Only I can see that though. No one can because I don't let anyone close to me. I boss everyone around and don't stop till I'm alone. I don't like the dark anymore. I want my friends back. I want my happiness back that disappeared. I want to live life, but all that I am doing is running. I don't know where I am going, but I want to stop. Still I feel that no one can actually ever understand me. That's why I'm alone. --------------------- Wow, I thought that I had it bad last year, but rereading that entry proves that I had it bad for a long time. Well, g2g. School... Kat