Today has been such a long day. I might have a meeting tomorrow with my calc course coordinator about getting help. I meet with Linda tomorrow to set next semester's schedule. No more exams and 3 classes left. Soon I'll be on the highway on the way home to my girls. I miss them so much. Apparently I won't have much work to do on Saturday. Dad emptied everything out of my room except for my bed. Mom told me this and I'm still trying to accept the freedom. What on earth am I going to do all day Saturday? If I don't have to work on my room, then I guess I will go to Invincible Ink and tan while my laundry is running. I need a day out on the town. I haven't been able to enjoy this weather the way I would like to. I miss driving down the street in my good ol' truck and just enjoying the day. It doesn't happen much anymore but I am not going to pass this up. True I will have control of the pontiac, but while doing work in the morning, I'm gonna be savoring time behind the wheel in my old ford. I'm still shocked to think I only have a month worth of school left and then I have summer vacation. Wow. It has gone by so quickly. I'm not sure how I'm going to adjust to not having school. I know this. I'm going to get a summer membership at a gym and go there at least 3 times a week. I've really been pushing myself through this personal training and I've really come a long way. Maybe it's something I can do with my sister, but then again that is her call. She isn't use to more than one trip to the gym. I'll check with my doctor and see what he says. Maybe with this year ending, things will change. Maybe I'll actually start worrying about myself a little this summer. A lot has changed this year. I've changed. I've realized how I enjoy being alone sometimes but I hate it most of the time. Use to be that I would give anything for solitude. Now, I go crazy on Saturdays when I'm here at college with nothing to do and no one to see. It's weird how in one year one person changes and starts to become that person they have always wanted to be. Even Mom and I are in the first stage of becoming friends. It's weird but I don't want to ruin what's going on. I enjoy this little peace we've made. I just pray it lasts over my summer break. I hope so. I don't want to end up carrying on the family curse. I want it to end. I am the only one trying to end it. -Kat- How I wish I could surrender my soul; Shed the clothes that become my skin; See the liar that burns within my needing. How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold. How I wish I had screamed out loud, Instead I've found no meaning. I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain, All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble. Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray. I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble. It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain. How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind; Hold memory close at hand, Help me understand the years. How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell. How I wish I would save my soul. I'm so cold from fear. I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain, All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble. Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray. I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble. Far, far away; find comfort in pain. All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble. It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.