My life as I know it sucks. Everyday is worse these days. I just wish I never woke up. Then I get to the end and I'm glad that I did. It's confusing and stressful. I'm glad to be alive when it comes to my friends and my dad. The parents are still fighting, worse each time. I'm glad that I'm going to Muncie this weekend. I know it is only temporary relief, but hopefully it helps. I know that it will test my ability of surviving the time away from Matt. Two days were hard enough. I don't know about three just yet. I just hope things work themselves out soon. Dad is totally ready to walk out and leave my mom, but he says he'll stay for 4 more years. He keeps telling me that I've only got 1 year, but then what about him? He is just now showing how damaged we are because of Mom. Things are beyond nasty anymore. I don't like it when my friends want to come over. It's an act when they're here. It's not peaceful at all anymore. Mom and Dad talk because I'm here, but when I'm not they fight. Mom spends time away from us and yells at us when we aren't here. It's too confusing anymore. I'm to the point where I need out for good. I just need to get out of here, but I honestly have no where to truly go. I know that Kayla is an option, but we'd kill each other. No where else... I lose my way And it's not too long before you'd point it out I can not cry Because I know it's weakness in your eyes I'm forced to fake a smile, A lie, everyday of my life -Kat-