alright, so this thing keeps pissing me off, i wanted to write in it yesterday, but i couldn't, cuz the stupid thingy wouldn't show up, but whatever, i don't remember what i was gonna put anyways. but yeah today just sucked. i had to go to some of this shit, got to miss skool, so i guess it was alrite, but while i was at the second place, my mom noticed my cuts i had made last nite... i love showers... well baths i mean... but the problem is then you can't really feel the pain much.. hmm but at least then they get deeper. meh so ya she got all pissed bout that shit, started complainin and crap, the usual shit she does, i'm suprised she didn't cry this time... she always cries... probably cuz a lil later the doc came in. meh i tried to ask her if i could go to a mental institute, damn, thats how bad i wanna get fuckin outa here... and so on the drive home she was sayin all this shit... she was like "after all the chances i give you, this is the repay you give me" and she pointed at my wrists, stupid slut, whatever, i dont fuckin care, she has no fuckin idea what goes on inside my head, and i'm fuckin glad. then on the way home, i could tell she was mad anyways, whenever she is, she drives really fast and shit, meh and so she told me i had to work on my stupid ass bio project. that ain't even fuckin due till like may 18, and i'm already half way done, but whatever, like she'll listen to me.... oh yeah, i remember what i wanted to put yesterday... god, alright, so i wish i could cry... i kno that sounds kinda stupid and shit.. but i do, i haven't cried in probably a year... and theres been alot of shit happenin thats made me want to cry.. but i just fuckin can't... yesterday i was listening to depressing songs and shit, and i got so fuckin close, but i just fuckin couldn't, god damn. and then i was also yellin at my friend jay, he didn't do anything, i just had alot of anger, and i took it out on him, then i took it out on my friend hayley... i kno they didn't deserve it, but i had to say something, and it helped me get my feelings out... i have a problem saying my feelings and shit... and the only time i ever do... is when i'm yellin at somebody... i wish i could just express my feelings and shit... but whatever... alrite, i'm goin outside now for a smoke, later.