things have actually been going kinda good. well i mean considering how they used to be... i'm happy, well not all the time, but i don't think anybody's really ever happy all the time. but most of the time i am. mainly when i'm with or talking with my friends. i love them all, and i don't kno where i'd be without them. i mean i don't really have that many friends that i actually hang out with, but there are still people that i just talk to and everything, and so they're good to have around some times. my closest friends are viv, justin, hayley, and amanda. lance used to be a close friend, but me and him just haven't been the same anymore... i kno he's still there if i would ever need him, but i think i'm actually alrite... because i kno he might have things going on, or he has other people that he can help instead. lee is there also if i ever need someone really bad, but i don't think i'll need to be bothering him. i really think i can handle things now. i feel stronger. and i really like this feeling, its something good. and i kno that if i ever really do need something, my closest friends are there for me... i don't really talk to amanda much, she's always too busy, and does happen to have alot of other friends that need her, so i don't try to bother her. but i did have a great conv with her on my birthday when she had spent the nite. i'll never forget her for that. she's there every now and then, but when she is, she makes it count. and i haven't really talked to hayley much lately, i'm not sure. she just hasn't seemed to be needing me... and i can understand that, she's moving on, not needing me as much. but i kno she's still there if i ever do need her, and sometimes i still feel like i do.. i just never actually get around to telling her what i need or want to. so i guess i just end up leaving her alone too. the ones i've been kinda closest to lately have been viv and justin. i'll always need justin, and i kno he'll always be there, so thats great. but he's been having somethings wrong lately, and i haven't really had any problems. so i haven't really needed him, like for help and shit. but he's been needing me, well me and viv, and so i've been loving being able to help him, or just be there for him. i kno he really needs someone at times, and i hope he thinks about me if he ever thinks he's alone or anything, cuz he's not. i'll always be here for him. but i'm always here for all my friends. but i love when i get to talk to him, i'm not sure why, sometimes he won't even talk or something, but i just love the fact that he is there... if that really makes much sense. but i hope i can help him any time he needs it. and i wish he could have what he wants.... somethings going on rite now, and i hate it, cuz i can't help... and it makes me feel helpless and shit, or like i'm not a good enough friend or something. but i guess i can just be there when he's ready to talk... cuz thats pretty much all i can do rite now...... and viv... god i love that girl to death, i seriously do... i don't kno where i would be without her, or what i would do... i wish she could live with me, hehe me and her would probably stay up all nite talkin and eatin junk food and watchin movies or singin songs or some shit like that. it would be so much fun though. me and her have been getting closer together, and i like it. i hope things with me and her won't change. i she feels so much... and she's just now 13... but i she still knos how to be a kid, which is good, i just wish sometimes she would be more of a kid. hehe but me and her make sure to be kids together, so thats fun. i like being happy, it's a good feeling. i'm just sad whenever my friend's are sad. and that has been kinda often because of justin, but that was mainly just one nite.. he seems happy now, and so thats really good. and everybody else seems happy i think. so i've been able to be happy. i don't even need to take my stupid ass anti-depressants or talk during my therapy shit... that crap doesn't help me.. people think it does.. but really, whats helping me is just myself and my friends. and i'm glad that does. because i don't need help from stupid medicine shit. i kno a therapist is suppposed to help, but i just don't trust her still, so i just don't tell her anything, and i'm fine with that. well i'm gonna go watch mulan now and eat a sno cone =D hehe yummmy!!!