why is it, that whenever something bad is happening to me. others have to have bad things happening to them too? where they don't even care about me. don't even notice that something might be bothering me. i take the time to ask them. even if i'm not in a good mood. i ask. i want to help. i try to see what's going on with them. but apparently they don't want to do the same. they don't care about me enough. and that's fine. maybe there's a reason why things are like this for me. i don't want pity from people if somethings wrong. i just wnat my friends to be there. and to listen to me. but i guess this shows, that i don't need anybody. that i have to do it all on my own. and i will. that's the only way i can do anything anymore. there's no way i can ask others for help. they've got their own lives. too busy. obviously can't handle helping me, or even just listening to me, or pretending like they are. but that's fine. i'll do it all on my own. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- last nite, talked to amanda, that wasn't exactly the best... we started talkin bout boys. she always has some. at least one guy always is crazy about her. cares for her when she's down. wants her to be happy. is alwyas there for her. will do anything for her. i wonder what that's like.... i really have no idea. never had a guy just so crazy for me. a guy there to listen and really care, truly, and you kno that he does. the only one here that i've only ever found one that seemed like that. but i'm doubting if it's true.. the one good thing about having guys as your friend, is most of the time, you can tell if they like you or not. and if they don't, but yet, they listen to you, you kno they really care. i think the only ones probably lance that's like that. i can't really seem to talk to justin. and anybody else... i feel like i don't have anyone else to talk to about things. i'm just so lost. so confused. so alone.