ahh damn it damn it damn it. i'm so stupid, i had just been typing something, and then i accidently clicked something, and it went away. grrr. ok well ima try to remember... alrite, so i've got some wierd-ass emotions. one min, i'll be happy, the next i can be all sad and shit. i don't really like it. but lately i have been happy, which is good. i like it when i'm happy. hmm but i can tell i've changed from last year.. i remember last year when i was like the lil "goth" kid almost and shit.. and i just walked around the halls in kinda my own world, and i only talked to people if i really kne them and shit, and even sometimes then i wouldn't really talk to them. but now, i'll see somebody that i kinda kno in the hall and holler at them and start talkin to them and shit. and i'll be sittin next to people in some of my classes, and i won't even kno much bout them cept their names, and i'll just start talkin to them and shit. it's really weird. i've really changed... not sure if it's for the better or not though... i'm still kinda tryin to figure out if i should stay more of a kid, or try to grow up.. cuz i really am more of a kid hehe but i love it, so care free and shit. but i am grown up some times, at least, whenever i have to be. like if i have a serious talk with ona my friends, i'll act real mature.. hehe it's funny, cuz i think i scare some of them sometimes hehe. but i don't like it when my friends are sad though.. cuz then it kinda makes me sad.. but i don't mind being sad. but i just prefer it when people are happy.. so i try to make them happy. i really try my hardest, and i think i don't do too shabby of a job. hehe sorry if that really doesn't make much sense, i'm kinda in a really mood rite now. and i'm bein a real dork, i kno. but ya gotta love me, rite??? i hope ya do, hehe. wow, i think i'm kinda scarin myself even. i'm really weird. but not like thats too unusual for me. --------------------------------------------- blahh, damn couples.. i hate it. not that i have anything against them, as people. i just hate them together. it makes me want someone. i mean, i've never had a real relationship, and i kinda would like one. lol i kno that sounds really corny, but hey, i guess i'm just a corny person rite now hehe. yeah.. i really am weird. i kno. but yeah, like i was sayin earlier before i got into me bein corny... i don't like seeing couples, or hearing bout them.. it just makes me long for something more.. and i already do that enough.. that's all i ever seem to do.. and i mean.. i don't mind always living in my own world.. but i really do kinda need to come back to reality every now and then. i think my main problems with couples rite now, is because two of my close friends are a couple, i hear them talkin bout each other, and they say all this shit.. and i've been around them for the past two years.. and i dun kno.. i'm just tired of it.. i'm always the third wheel.. and i'm sick of it.. i just want somebody for myself for once.. i mean, they just go off and do their own shit together and crap, and then leave me alone to find something to do for myself.. i just wish i could have somebody.. haha maybe then we could double date... but instead, any time i have somebody else with me.. it's always a girl.. and most likely.. she likes the guy friend.. so she gets all fed up with it.. and makes me go off somewhere with her or osmething... --------------------------------------------- blahh ya kno what made me feel kinda crappy last nite though.. was that nobody called.. i don't mean the fact that they didn't call, i mean, viv had told me she wasn't gonna call.. but i mean, i was up doin my hw, and i heard my fone vibrate, and when i picked it up, it showed that it was justin. i mean, i couldn't help but be excited, i had wanted to talk to him just him and me for a while. and when viv had told me she wasn't gonna be able to clal, i thought that nite could be the nite... yeah but apparently not.. cuz i picked up and then he hung up.. but that's fine.. i mean, it's not important rite? why should i care... meh, i'm just gonna try to forget bout him.. i mean, not like, forget he's my friend.. just try to stop likin him.. lookin forward to talkin to him.. all that shit... another one i'm gonna have to be sure not to start likin again, is lee.. hehe he looked really cool the other day with some of his sparing gear on, and then he bit his lip.... hehe. i kno, i'm such a dork.. --------------------------------------------- blahh, ima be done for now. my dad's home and he's a real dork, so i kinda wanna get away from him. and i really needa do some of my hw. and i wanna read more of this book, i'm already almost done adn i started yesterday...