god damn it. i think i'm goin back to how i used to be. shit. i don't wanna. i keep wanting to cut again. but i won't. i had said i wouldn't smoke anymore. but i did on thursday, and i did again tonite. not a whole one, but a puff, but still. damn it. i don't wanna. i don't wanna go back to how i used to be. and i'm startin to crap up in skool again. fuck. bitch. argg. whatever. ya kno what, i won't. i'll change it. i can still have fun. but i just gotta be more careful. although the smokin aint that bad. as long as i don't do it alot. maybe once every month or two. i don't kno. i don't really wanna do it but still. i mean on thrusday i coulda done a shit load of it. but i didn't. i just did it once. cuz i liked the buzz but then i felt like shit. and the cutting, i'm not gonna cut. that's too much to regret. and i don't feel like regretting more shit in my life. i'm not even half way done and i got shit i regret. so i'm stoppin regrets for now. live for what i want. that's what i'll do. had a fun nite tonite. went to lance's with hayley and calvin. so much fun. we went to blockbuster to get a movie. apparently calvin got called a faggot by some black guy with his kid. haha funny. then the blockbuster guy was bein a bitch and he didn't take off the thing for the dvd. we didn't notice till we got home though. but first we ate pizza outside, lance n calvin smoked. then we went in. hung around for a while. listened to music and shit. lance got kinda sad. i think some of the songs i played reminded him of amanda. cuz i heard alot of them cuz of her. damn it. and so then he went out and smoked some more. that's when i took a puff of his. whatever. haha then i almost spit on calvin. then we were gettin ready to watch scream, and realized the thing was still on. we all tried to take it off, but that didn't work. calvin even ripped the thing lol. so his mom took it back there and they took it off. watched it. hayley got scared. i laughed alot. fun shit. then justin called. didn't get to talk to him much. but asked him to call tom so i wouldn't be bored. i'm gonna be so pissed if he doesn't. i hope he does. i was actually sprised that he called. i had called him on thursday nite, and he didn't answer. i haven't talked to him since sun. i miss that crazy ass kid. i need to talk to him each nite again. i miss that. after the movie got in the car and took calvin home. then took hayley home. then they brought me home. hmm fun stuff. now i'm tired. and i gotta leave by 11:30 tom. god damn it. what happened to sleeping in on the weekends????