have you ever felt so alone? like where you have the feeling that you have no one there for you. no one in your life? life if you died, you didn't think anyone would care? you just want to go away, just to see if anybody would notice? and then you kno you'll get disappointed when nobody does? yeah, that's how i feel rite now. and i really don't like it. i feel so alone. so unwanted. just so, blahh. god, i hate it. i don't like this feeling. i just feel like nobody is around. nobody needs me. none of my friends never call. never invite me to do anything. never even talk to me anymore. i've started hanging out with my friends paige and cesar lately. it's alrite, but it's not the same. they don't kno the truth about things. paige knos i used to cut. but thats it. cesar knos about the thing with alex. but thats it. they odnt kno more. they dont kno anything. and i always put on a fake face when i'm around them. lance never talks to me anymore. never calls me anymore. never invites me anywhere anymore. amanda never talks to me. never wants to be with me. never wants to do shit with me. lauren has her other friends. she doesn't even talk to me before or after skool. she never calls me. she never wants to do anything with me. and hayley. oh god. don't even get me started on her. she never calls. never talks to me online. never answers. never invites me anywhere. never can go anywhere. never can do any fuckin shit. she just pisses me off. she doesn't even have any friends that live here anymore i think. i don't think she talks to lance much anymore. she only has her friend anna. god, and she used to always say how much she hated her. but whatever. she's just a lyin bitch anyways. shot down again... i just tried to get paige to go to the movies with me. but no, she has her friend comin over. psh. whatever. i don't give a fuck. i want another cigarette. i had 2 yesterday. and then one today. but i want another. i need more. i wish i could cut. but i won't. but it gave me such satisfaction. arg. but i'm not gonna go back to that. i wish i lived with all my friends. like zeke, viv, justin, shane, joanna, and mick. i kno at least one of them would probably go out with me tonite. but eh... fuck it. whatever. god damn. i just hate this damn shit.