i'm only half-awake. i'm never fully there. i feel like i can see most things happening to me. going on in my life. but i can't really do anything about it. cuz i'm not really there. i just think i am or something. i kno, this probably makes no sense. but it does to me. it's confusing. but i really feel like i'm not really there. i'm just a spectator at my own life. and nothing has been able to wake me up yet. i don't kno what will wake me up. make me see how things really are. make me start to live. but i guess i'll just have to wait for it. and hope i'll know it when it comes.