today one of my classmates died. his name was Stephen Breen. i don't kno when he was born. but he was a sophmore, age 15 i think. he had been struggling with cancer since the summer before freshman year. he used to miss some class in freshman year. he was in my english class. this year i didn't have any classes with him. but i hardly ever saw him. during lunch today, we found out he had about less than 5 hours to live. i think that was the quietest our lunch has ever been. people were crying, and hugging and sitting in quiet. i saw this one guy justin crying. i almost cried myself. i hate seeing guys crys. and other people were getting hugged, but nobody seemed to hug him. i wanted to get up and just hug him myself. our period after lunch we did nothing. nobody would have been able to pay attention anyways. period after that we didn't do anything either. and then in the last period of the day, when i walked in, i kne my teacher had been crying. and i kne what was coming. she told us steven had died some time during last period. at least he died at home, and with his family and friends. so many people cried in the halls after skool, and hugged each other and everything. a few people left, i'm not sure if they went to see him or not. but they would just leave. alot of people went to the councelor i think. i never kne him very well. but seeing how much he effected people. and how much they cared. it was so sad. during last period i just wrote alot. i didn't really want to think much. so i just wrote about stuff. but i realized, if theres something i don't like in life, i should change it before it's too late. because you never kno when your last day is going to be. i'm not in a very good mood rite now. last nite justin and his gf broke up. he's really hurt about it. i hope i can help him. today, steven died. and viv isn't telling me what is wrong with her, or why she hung up on me. today is just a really crappy day. but it's hayley's birthday, so if i talk to her, i'm gonna try to hide all the crap and help her be happy today. cuz today she's turning 16, woohoo. i won't be able to do much of my hw tonite i bet. i'm watchin pay it forward rite now. great movie. i really like it. but it's sad. i really want things to get better. i'll have to find a way to help that. but i hope i can do it. if i kno that i have my friends there with me to help. justin promised he would call tonite, so i hope i get to talk to him. i hope he'll get better. and that he'll feel better soon. but i feel bad, i wasn't able to give him an estimate of how soon he might feel better. when something had happened with andrew and sara, i told him the next day it would get better, it did. i wish i could tell justin a certain amount and it come true. he wanted a when, so i had said a week in a half, but he didn't want it to be that long. so i told him 5 to 6 days, but he asked me if i thought that was real, and i told him no. cuz really, i have no idea when things will get better for him. he's complicated. i hope things will get better for mick. i hope he can see how things are. and not always think things are bad. and that they will just keep getting worse. they will get better. if you just believe. just be happy your still alive, and able to change things how they are rite now.