blahh i'm finally breaking, or cracking, or whtaever the fuck you wanna call it. god i don't give a shit anymore. i'm just so fuckin pissed and tired of so much damn shit. alrite so tonite i decided to go to the football game at our skool. yeah i tried to invite hayley, but she couldn't come, whatever, fuck that. i mean, i just wnated to hang out with her, i hvaen't in like, a few weeks and shit. but whatever, i've already got the feeling i'm not much of her friend anymore. so yeah i finally went to the game. saw amadna as soon as i got there. thought that would be good that i already saw somebody i kne. ha yeah, that wasn't correct. she ended up having other people that she wanted to talk to and shit. so then i found lauren. thought that would be cool. i could hang out with her and shit. wrong again. she kept following her friend mary, and they just kept going all over the place, so i followed behind and just didn't say anything. every now adn then lauren would try to talk to me or something, but it didn't happen very often. then i stopped to takl to danna, and so lauren walked off cuz she was goin to the stands for a lil, but said she would get me when she came back. i didn't really talk much when i was with danna and her friends, and then peetry came over there too and shit. so i was just eating my sno cone quietly and shit. then i see lauren pass me, so i start yelling her name and shit, and she won't turn around. but her friend mary turns around and i flip her off, and she just turns back around and keeps going. so i throw my sno cone and it kinda splashes on peetry, but i didn't care. so then i just stood around some more, with people i kne, but i didn't talk. i would just follow some people or something. then i followed amanda, lance and will outa the field area, and we went to this cliff area thing. it overlooks the lake, it's really pretty. so we they all sat down, and i just stayed standing. then they smoked, will had them, and he had said he gave amanda his last one, so i didn't get one. then lance gave me a lil of his, but i wish i woulda had my own. i really wanted one. but hten he pulled another one out, but i was just like whatever, fuck it. and so then after a lil we finally started to walk towards taco bell. then amanda's friend cooper met up with us, he had already drivin up to there, but he walked down to meet up with us. so amanda drove through the drivethru and got osmething. then we sat around in the car for a lil. again i didn't talk. then he drove us back to the skool and i called my mom cuz the game was over. then amanda was all freakin out or something, and she didn't like people making a fuss over her, cuz me n lance were tryin to help her figure out where she was gonna go. cuz at first she was gonna go to lacne's house, but then she couldn't. i tried to tell her she could probably come to my house, but she wouldn't listen. then she just wanted to walk to her friend's sara house and shit. and i kept telling her i could give her a ride to there. but she didn't want it. cuz she wanted to be alone and shit. finally lance talked her into lettin him take her home. she had said she was gonna call me when she got home, but she never did. then lance had called and told me thank you for taking calvin and joe home. and that he wanted to thank my mom but she was already asleep. id on't get why he makes it seem like such a big deal, i mean, they're my friends too, so i really didn't mind. then lauren called me, and i got pissed off at her. cuz she had just walked rite past me, and ignored me the whole fuckin nite pretty much. so she was just like, ok i'm gonna go bye. i was like whatever, fuck it. and i've been trying to get somebody to go with me to my aunts house tomorrow, and everybody i ask keeps telling me no and shit. and i mean, i really don't fuckin like it. i really don't wanna go there by myself. i don't kno if my cousin might be there or not... if he is, i'm gonna call justin. i mean, he's the only one i would be able to call anyways. cuz i mean nobody else gives a shit anyways. but then again, he doesn't either. so fuck that i guess. blahh i don't kno, i really need a cig rite now. or i want to get drunk and make the nite go away. i really really need to get myself some cigs. i'm gonna die soon if i don't. like seriously. i havent gotten to smoke in so long. and if i don't do that, then i might end up cutting. i mean i kno both aren't good for you, but ya kno what, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!! FUCK THIS SHIT, I'M GOIN TO BED! HOPEFULLY FUCKIN TOM WILL BE BETTER. IF NOT, I SERIOUSLY AM GONNA DO SOME SHIT, I DON'T KNO WHAT, BUT I WILL. --------------------------------------------- in case anybody fuckin cares, i'm writing a story, its on somegaysht. it's really crappy. but whatever. fuck it. fuck everything.