this damn thing wasn't working when i needed to write in it. god damn it. i didn't get a chance to write in my journal today. so i haven't been able to write at all. so i need to. lance and amanda broke up. they had already planned to go to homecoming together though. on tuesday nite i talked to amanda on the fone, she said her mom was saying she didn't want her to go to hc with lance because they broke up. and taeger (her new bf) was on the other line crying. i dont really remember why. he didn't want her to go to hc with lance either. and he wanted to spend the day with her. she said that he had said he loved her already. and that he didn't like any girl as much as her. and they've only been goin out for a week or so i think. she said that she really liked him, but taht she loved lance. that confused me. i was talkin to calvin on wed about all of what i had talked to amanda about. i asked him not to tell lance. cuz i didn't want him to be sad about it, and i kinda thought he already knew. after skool lance came with me. we went up to our old skool to pick up my brother. me n lance went to get a coke. and lance told me calvin told him what i had told him. he said i coulda just told him. then when we got to my house, he said 'just tell me what she says, it's not like thigns could get worse, well unless she didn't go to hc.' well looks like he was wrong. i kne that would happen. well anyways. yesterday after karate, i went over to amanda's house. she was on the fone with taeger, and said she'd call him after i left. she said 'love you baby.' she got me my dress, and then i went into her room to change, and she came in, and told me that her and taeger were now "sexual active" apparently they've done it quiet a bit in the last few days. she told me not to tell lance. and that only me and taeger's best friend new. it felt good to hear that i was the only one to kno something. but i have a feeling it won't last like that for long. that always happens with me. people will tell me something, and tell mei'm the only one that knos. and then the next day i hear that other people kno it too. but anyways, once she told me, i was like 'oh shit, lance was wrong'. i don't kno what i'm gonna do. i want to tell lance. but taht will just kill him. cuz amanda was supposed to tell him if she even thought about doing anything with him. and i mean, lance has already kissed some damn slut at skool. which was just something stupid he did. i hope he won't do anything stupid. and just think of what he'll do when she tells him? if she does tell him? i kinda want to tell him. but i kinda don't. i have no idea what to do. i've been so confused all day today. and i keep thinkin bout it. argg. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i don't really kno what's going on anymore. i'm so lost. so confused. i get annoyed really easily lately. i'm going to my karate banquet on sat. been practicing for the demo alot. gotta practice tom i think. i think i'm just gonna miss my skool's hc football game. i don't really care. i don't think i want to go to it as much as i had before. i don't kno why. i just. arg. i have no idea. i'm gonna try to get alot of steam out when i spare at the tournament. i hope that'll work. today at p.e. i played soccer. that was actually alot of fun. but i think i put forth alil too much effort for just p.e. i ended up kickin a girl in the shin, on accident of course. but i don't kno. it was alot of fun. just runnin all over the place. tryin to get the ball. i liked it. then i was the goalie. i only let one ball in. and i thought i did a really good job at blockin alot of shots. i don't kno. it was alot of fun. tom we have a hc peprally, oh joy. won't that be fun. eh, at least i get to wear free dress kinda. so that's good. i'm gonna go try to find something to eat, and try to think some more i guess. cuz i really have no idea what to do.