i feel so helpless rite now. i don't kno what to do. three of my friends are having troubles with each other. and i don't kno what to do. i feel caught up in the middle of it. i've been with all of them for so long. i've known so many of their feeligns, their thoughts, their actions. i just don't kno what to do about it now. i guess it all finally got out of control... i don't kno how it turned out. i've only heard from one person. that means there is still two more people to go. i need to talk to them. i want to kno that they are alrite. two of them have been dating, the two i haven't heard from. i hope that they still are. i've heard of threats of them breaking up. i think if they broke up, i wouldn't be able to believe it. they are so in love. they have been together for so long. nothing has come between them. and i hope that this won't now. the one i have heard from, she's covering everything up. i don't kno why. but she is. she won't tell me the truth. she hides it. she hasn't told me the truth in a while. she always hides things from me now and days. i've already argued with her before, about her not talking to me. i don't want it to happen again, but she keeps holding back. she's not like she used to. she used to talk. used to tell me things. used to share her feelings. and now, i'm not as good of a friend apparenlty. i'm not enough for her to talk to. i just hate this feeling. i wish i could talk to the other two. hopefully they won't hide thier feeligns from me. for if they do, i don't kno what i'll do. i hate people trying to hide thigns from me. to lie to me. i hate lies. i truely do. i don't really kno why. it's just something that i really hate. hopefully i will be able to talk to one of the people tomorrow. hopefully he will tell me what has happened. how things will turn out. i hope they will be good. he deserves happiness. he had been so happy i thought. it seems things have started go to down hill for him. and it makes me sad. i want to cry for him, just because of how thigns are. i want him to be happy. he needs to be happy. i care about him so much. just like all of the others. i care about them so much. almost as much as i care about viv. i just want all of my friends to be happy. and i hate this. i hate not knowing what is going on. i hate being left out. i just hope it will all get better. that something can come around and fix it all. maybe a little fairy will come by in the middle of the nite, and when we wake up, it will all be better. i can dream, and i always will. so maybe one day, my dream will come true. --------------------------------------------- i feel so left out of everything. i feel nobody is there for me. i feel nobody needs me there for them. i hate this. i need people. i love to care for them. caring for others makes me happy. i can be in a terrible mood, but having somebody need me, helps me. but nobody needs my help anymore. nobody talks to me anymore. nobody is around. nobody wants me... i have finally realized that i am an unwanted soul. i do hate this feeling, but i will try to help it. i will try to find my way and make it better. maybe i will need to leave things now, and try to start over new. i don't kno how, i don't think i would be able to leave everything and everyone behind. but who knos, maybe somehow, doing that, i could finally be happy. i may stay here for a few more years, i will try to change things. but if they don't change by then, maybe i will just start over new. find somewhere else to go. and start fresh. i don't kno, but it is a new possibilty. and i am always open for new possibilities. --------------------------------------------- i like this guy in my class, i hope maybe me and him could try to start talking. he came to my skool last year too, but we never talked. i don't remember having him in any classes. but this year, i have him in 3 classes. and he knos james. but i'm not sure that would do me any good anyways, since james doesn't even talk to me anymore. but i guess i can always try to talk to him. i really would like it. he seems like a really good guy. and he doesn't seem like a bitch like most of the others. especially that one, justin... god.. i thought i had liked him.. but no, i don't, he is such a lil bitch. but this one, i can tell he's different. i'm in his group for english, justin is in the group too, but i don't care. the teacher was making groups, and she had the guy, justin adn two other guys in a group, and out of my row, she needed a girl to go over and join them. i kne none the other girls would go, so i voluntired. when i got over there, justin asked me why i came over and shit. he was a bit of a bitch. and so i just ignored him most of the time. although he did talk to me a lil. but the guy i like didn't even really give me much of a look. hopefully over the year that can change. i would like to get to kno him. hmmm... i guess i will just have to try to be a lil more social around him... hopefully that will work....