meh i don't kno... i don't really feel good rite now, i don't kno why... i haven't written lately... i think it's been messed up, or it just doesn't work for me... hmmm but yeah things have been kinda shitty. so i broke up with zeke, my bf, a while back... i miss him, but me n him are still friends... thats why i did it... so we could stay friends... me n him had this promise, if one of us cut, the other would cut twice as deep... it kept me from cutting for a long time... but i finally lost it a few days ago.. and so i cut... i feel so bad. i didn't want him to cut, but i wasn't going to hide it from him... so i told him... and he did it... viv got pissed at both of us, for even makin the promise, and made at me for breakin it so makin him do it... i wish he hadn't... and i think she mainly got mad at me, cuz i had already done it, so she couldn't stop me... but he was still having to find something, and so she kept tryin to stop him.. but when he promises something, it goes... but i guess in some cases that really does help... i don't really kno what to do... i like other people, i wanna just like one, and so then i could try to be with them... but it's so hard... i'm really tryin... and zeke had told me that i could go out with other people i liked, and if it didn't work out, he would always be there... but i'm not usin him as a last resort... he deserves alot better then that... but the only problem with zeke, is he tries to cover up how he feels... like he'll try to make other people laugh and shit, so that way they think nothings wrong with him... but i can see through it... i don't kno if he lets me, or if i can just see through... i kinda have a feeling he's letting me see, to let me in... i hope thats what it is... cuz i do want him to let me in.. or if not me... at least someone else... hmm but i hope i can be there for him.... and then theres justin... he's awesome too... but he covers up how he feels too, he doesn't say it either... but he doesn't try to make you laugh, he just doesn't say it, or if he does say his feelings, you can't tell if he's jokin or if he's serious... i mean it's a safe way for him i guess... but then you'll never kno the truth with him... and that gets to be confusing.... blarg and they've both said they love me, i don't kno if i believe it... i think i do, but i'm kinda scared to... but i don't get why they do, i really am nothing... and i fuck things up too much....